Maria

M >> Mary Wollstonecraft >> Maria


"He kept his word; still no letter arrived to put an end to my painful
state of suspense. I procured some books and music, to beguile the
tedious solitary days.

'Come, ever smiling Liberty,
'And with thee bring thy jocund train:'

I sung--and sung till, saddened by the strain of joy, I bitterly
lamented the fate that deprived me of all social pleasure. Comparative
liberty indeed I had possessed myself of; but the jocund train lagged
far behind!"





CHAPTER 13


"BY WATCHING my only visitor, my uncle's friend, or by some other means,
Mr. Venables discovered my residence, and came to enquire for me. The
maid-servant assured him there was no such person in the house. A bustle
ensued--I caught the alarm--listened--distinguished his voice, and
immediately locked the door. They suddenly grew still; and I waited
near a quarter of an hour, before I heard him open the parlour door,
and mount the stairs with the mistress of the house, who obsequiously
declared that she knew nothing of me.

"Finding my door locked, she requested me to open it, and prepare to go
home with my husband, poor gentleman! to whom I had already occasioned
sufficient vexation.' I made no reply. Mr. Venables then, in an assumed
tone of softness, intreated me, 'to consider what he suffered, and my
own reputation, and get the better of childish resentment.' He ran on
in the same strain, pretending to address me, but evidently adapting his
discourse to the capacity of the landlady; who, at every pause, uttered
an exclamation of pity; or 'Yes, to be sure--Very true, sir.'

"Sick of the farce, and perceiving that I could not avoid the hated
interview, I opened the door, and he entered. Advancing with easy
assurance to take my hand, I shrunk from his touch, with an involuntary
start, as I should have done from a noisome reptile, with more disgust
than terror. His conductress was retiring, to give us, as she said, an
opportunity to accommodate matters. But I bade her come in, or I would
go out; and curiosity impelled her to obey me.

"Mr. Venables began to expostulate; and this woman, proud of his
confidence, to second him. But I calmly silenced her, in the midst of a
vulgar harangue, and turning to him, asked, 'Why he vainly tormented me?
declaring that no power on earth should force me back to his house.'

"After a long altercation, the particulars of which, it would be to
no purpose to repeat, he left the room. Some time was spent in loud
conversation in the parlour below, and I discovered that he had brought
his friend, an attorney, with him.*

* In the original edition the paragraph following is
preceded by three lines of asterisks [Publisher's note].

"The tumult on the landing place, brought out a gentleman, who had
recently taken apartments in the house; he enquired why I was thus
assailed?* The voluble attorney instantly repeated the trite tale. The
stranger turned to me, observing, with the most soothing politeness and
manly interest, that 'my countenance told a very different story.' He
added, 'that I should not be insulted, or forced out of the house, by
any body.'

* The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer of Maria, in
an early stage of the history, is already stated (Chap.
III.) to have been an after-thought of the author. This has
probably caused the imperfectness of the manuscript in the
above passage; though, at the same time, it must be
acknowledged to be somewhat uncertain, whether Darnford is
the stranger intended in this place. It appears from Chap.
XVII, that an interference of a more decisive nature was
designed to be attributed to him. EDITOR. [Godwin's note]

"'Not by her husband?' asked the attorney.

"'No, sir, not by her husband.' Mr. Venables advanced towards him--But
there was a decision in his attitude, that so well seconded that of his
voice, * They left the house: at the same time protesting, that any one
that should dare to protect me, should be prosecuted with the utmost
rigour.

* Two and a half lines of asterisks appear here in the
original [Publisher's note].

"They were scarcely out of the house, when my landlady came up to me
again, and begged my pardon, in a very different tone. For, though Mr.
Venables had bid her, at her peril, harbour me, he had not attended,
I found, to her broad hints, to discharge the lodging. I instantly
promised to pay her, and make her a present to compensate for my abrupt
departure, if she would procure me another lodging, at a sufficient
distance; and she, in return, repeating Mr. Venables' plausible tale, I
raised her indignation, and excited her sympathy, by telling her briefly
the truth.

"She expressed her commiseration with such honest warmth, that I felt
soothed; for I have none of that fastidious sensitiveness, which a
vulgar accent or gesture can alarm to the disregard of real kindness. I
was ever glad to perceive in others the humane feelings I delighted
to exercise; and the recollection of some ridiculous characteristic
circumstances, which have occurred in a moment of emotion, has convulsed
me with laughter, though at the instant I should have thought it
sacrilegious to have smiled. Your improvement, my dearest girl, being
ever present to me while I write, I note these feelings, because women,
more accustomed to observe manners than actions, are too much alive to
ridicule. So much so, that their boasted sensibility is often stifled by
false delicacy. True sensibility, the sensibility which is the auxiliary
of virtue, and the soul of genius, is in society so occupied with the
feelings of others, as scarcely to regard its own sensations. With what
reverence have I looked up at my uncle, the dear parent of my mind! when
I have seen the sense of his own sufferings, of mind and body, absorbed
in a desire to comfort those, whose misfortunes were comparatively
trivial. He would have been ashamed of being as indulgent to himself,
as he was to others. 'Genuine fortitude,' he would assert, 'consisted in
governing our own emotions, and making allowance for the weaknesses in
our friends, that we would not tolerate in ourselves.' But where is my
fond regret leading me!

"'Women must be submissive,' said my landlady. 'Indeed what could most
women do? Who had they to maintain them, but their husbands? Every
woman, and especially a lady, could not go through rough and smooth, as
she had done, to earn a little bread.'

"She was in a talking mood, and proceeded to inform me how she had been
used in the world. 'She knew what it was to have a bad husband, or
she did not know who should.' I perceived that she would be very much
mortified, were I not to attend to her tale, and I did not attempt to
interrupt her, though I wished her, as soon as possible, to go out in
search of a new abode for me, where I could once more hide my head.

"She began by telling me, 'That she had saved a little money in service;
and was over-persuaded (we must all be in love once in our lives) to
marry a likely man, a footman in the family, not worth a groat. My
plan,' she continued, 'was to take a house, and let out lodgings; and
all went on well, till my husband got acquainted with an impudent slut,
who chose to live on other people's means--and then all went to rack and
ruin. He ran in debt to buy her fine clothes, such clothes as I never
thought of wearing myself, and--would you believe it?--he signed an
execution on my very goods, bought with the money I worked so hard to
get; and they came and took my bed from under me, before I heard a word
of the matter. Aye, madam, these are misfortunes that you gentlefolks
know nothing of,--but sorrow is sorrow, let it come which way it will.

"'I sought for a service again--very hard, after having a house of my
own!--but he used to follow me, and kick up such a riot when he was
drunk, that I could not keep a place; nay, he even stole my clothes, and
pawned them; and when I went to the pawnbroker's, and offered to take my
oath that they were not bought with a farthing of his money, they said,
'It was all as one, my husband had a right to whatever I had.'

"'At last he listed for a soldier, and I took a house, making an
agreement to pay for the furniture by degrees; and I almost starved
myself, till I once more got before-hand in the world.

"'After an absence of six years (God forgive me! I thought he was dead)
my husband returned; found me out, and came with such a penitent face,
I forgave him, and clothed him from head to foot. But he had not been
a week in the house, before some of his creditors arrested him; and, he
selling my goods, I found myself once more reduced to beggary; for I
was not as well able to work, go to bed late, and rise early, as when I
quitted service; and then I thought it hard enough. He was soon tired of
me, when there was nothing more to be had, and left me again.

"I will not tell you how I was buffeted about, till, hearing for certain
that he had died in an hospital abroad, I once more returned to my old
occupation; but have not yet been able to get my head above water: so,
madam, you must not be angry if I am afraid to run any risk, when I know
so well, that women have always the worst of it, when law is to decide.'

"After uttering a few more complaints, I prevailed on my landlady to go
out in quest of a lodging; and, to be more secure, I condescended to the
mean shift of changing my name.

"But why should I dwell on similar incidents!--I was hunted, like an
infected beast, from three different apartments, and should not have
been allowed to rest in any, had not Mr. Venables, informed of my
uncle's dangerous state of health, been inspired with the fear of
hurrying me out of the world as I advanced in my pregnancy, by thus
tormenting and obliging me to take sudden journeys to avoid him; and
then his speculations on my uncle's fortune must prove abortive.

"One day, when he had pursued me to an inn, I fainted, hurrying from
him; and, falling down, the sight of my blood alarmed him, and obtained
a respite for me. It is strange that he should have retained any hope,
after observing my unwavering determination; but, from the mildness of
my behaviour, when I found all my endeavours to change his disposition
unavailing, he formed an erroneous opinion of my character, imagining
that, were we once more together, I should part with the money he
could not legally force from me, with the same facility as formerly.
My forbearance and occasional sympathy he had mistaken for weakness
of character; and, because he perceived that I disliked resistance,
he thought my indulgence and compassion mere selfishness, and never
discovered that the fear of being unjust, or of unnecessarily wounding
the feelings of another, was much more painful to me, than any thing I
could have to endure myself. Perhaps it was pride which made me imagine,
that I could bear what I dreaded to inflict; and that it was often
easier to suffer, than to see the sufferings of others.

"I forgot to mention that, during this persecution, I received a letter
from my uncle, informing me, 'that he only found relief from continual
change of air; and that he intended to return when the spring was a
little more advanced (it was now the middle of February), and then we
would plan a journey to Italy, leaving the fogs and cares of England
far behind.' He approved of my conduct, promised to adopt my child,
and seemed to have no doubt of obliging Mr. Venables to hear reason.
He wrote to his friend, by the same post, desiring him to call on
Mr. Venables in his name; and, in consequence of the remonstrances he
dictated, I was permitted to lie-in tranquilly.

"The two or three weeks previous, I had been allowed to rest in peace;
but, so accustomed was I to pursuit and alarm, that I seldom closed my
eyes without being haunted by Mr. Venables' image, who seemed to assume
terrific or hateful forms to torment me, wherever I turned.--Sometimes
a wild cat, a roaring bull, or hideous assassin, whom I vainly attempted
to fly; at others he was a demon, hurrying me to the brink of a
precipice, plunging me into dark waves, or horrid gulfs; and I woke, in
violent fits of trembling anxiety, to assure myself that it was all
a dream, and to endeavour to lure my waking thoughts to wander to the
delightful Italian vales, I hoped soon to visit; or to picture some
august ruins, where I reclined in fancy on a mouldering column,
and escaped, in the contemplation of the heart-enlarging virtues of
antiquity, from the turmoil of cares that had depressed all the daring
purposes of my soul. But I was not long allowed to calm my mind by
the exercise of my imagination; for the third day after your birth, my
child, I was surprised by a visit from my elder brother; who came in the
most abrupt manner, to inform me of the death of my uncle. He had left
the greater part of his fortune to my child, appointing me its guardian;
in short, every step was taken to enable me to be mistress of his
fortune, without putting any part of it in Mr. Venables' power. My
brother came to vent his rage on me, for having, as he expressed
himself, 'deprived him, my uncle's eldest nephew, of his inheritance;'
though my uncle's property, the fruit of his own exertion, being all in
the funds, or on landed securities, there was not a shadow of justice in
the charge.

"As I sincerely loved my uncle, this intelligence brought on a fever,
which I struggled to conquer with all the energy of my mind; for, in my
desolate state, I had it very much at heart to suckle you, my poor
babe. You seemed my only tie to life, a cherub, to whom I wished to be
a father, as well as a mother; and the double duty appeared to me to
produce a proportionate increase of affection. But the pleasure I felt,
while sustaining you, snatched from the wreck of hope, was cruelly
damped by melancholy reflections on my widowed state--widowed by the
death of my uncle. Of Mr. Venables I thought not, even when I thought of
the felicity of loving your father, and how a mother's pleasure might
be exalted, and her care softened by a husband's tenderness.--'Ought to
be!' I exclaimed; and I endeavoured to drive away the tenderness that
suffocated me; but my spirits were weak, and the unbidden tears would
flow. 'Why was I,' I would ask thee, but thou didst not heed me,--'cut
off from the participation of the sweetest pleasure of life?' I imagined
with what extacy, after the pains of child-bed, I should have presented
my little stranger, whom I had so long wished to view, to a respectable
father, and with what maternal fondness I should have pressed them both
to my heart!--Now I kissed her with less delight, though with the most
endearing compassion, poor helpless one! when I perceived a slight
resemblance of him, to whom she owed her existence; or, if any gesture
reminded me of him, even in his best days, my heart heaved, and I
pressed the innocent to my bosom, as if to purify it--yes, I blushed to
think that its purity had been sullied, by allowing such a man to be its
father.

"After my recovery, I began to think of taking a house in the country,
or of making an excursion on the continent, to avoid Mr. Venables; and
to open my heart to new pleasures and affection. The spring was melting
into summer, and you, my little companion, began to smile--that smile
made hope bud out afresh, assuring me the world was not a desert. Your
gestures were ever present to my fancy; and I dwelt on the joy I should
feel when you would begin to walk and lisp. Watching your wakening mind,
and shielding from every rude blast my tender blossom, I recovered my
spirits--I dreamed not of the frost--'the killing frost,' to which you
were destined to be exposed.--But I lose all patience--and execrate the
injustice of the world--folly! ignorance!--I should rather call it; but,
shut up from a free circulation of thought, and always pondering on the
same griefs, I writhe under the torturing apprehensions, which ought to
excite only honest indignation, or active compassion; and would, could
I view them as the natural consequence of things. But, born a woman--and
born to suffer, in endeavouring to repress my own emotions, I feel more
acutely the various ills my sex are fated to bear--I feel that the evils
they are subject to endure, degrade them so far below their oppressors,
as almost to justify their tyranny; leading at the same time superficial
reasoners to term that weakness the cause, which is only the consequence
of short-sighted despotism."





CHAPTER 14


"AS MY MIND grew calmer, the visions of Italy again returned with their
former glow of colouring; and I resolved on quitting the kingdom for
a time, in search of the cheerfulness, that naturally results from a
change of scene, unless we carry the barbed arrow with us, and only see
what we feel.

"During the period necessary to prepare for a long absence, I sent a
supply to pay my father's debts, and settled my brothers in eligible
situations; but my attention was not wholly engrossed by my family,
though I do not think it necessary to enumerate the common exertions of
humanity. The manner in which my uncle's property was settled, prevented
me from making the addition to the fortune of my surviving sister, that
I could have wished; but I had prevailed on him to bequeath her two
thousand pounds, and she determined to marry a lover, to whom she had
been some time attached. Had it not been for this engagement, I should
have invited her to accompany me in my tour; and I might have escaped
the pit, so artfully dug in my path, when I was the least aware of
danger.

"I had thought of remaining in England, till I weaned my child; but this
state of freedom was too peaceful to last, and I had soon reason to wish
to hasten my departure. A friend of Mr. Venables, the same attorney
who had accompanied him in several excursions to hunt me from my hiding
places, waited on me to propose a reconciliation. On my refusal, he
indirectly advised me to make over to my husband--for husband he would
term him--the greater part of the property I had at command, menacing
me with continual persecution unless I complied, and that, as a last
resort, he would claim the child. I did not, though intimidated by the
last insinuation, scruple to declare, that I would not allow him to
squander the money left to me for far different purposes, but offered
him five hundred pounds, if he would sign a bond not to torment me any
more. My maternal anxiety made me thus appear to waver from my first
determination, and probably suggested to him, or his diabolical agent,
the infernal plot, which has succeeded but too well.

"The bond was executed; still I was impatient to leave England. Mischief
hung in the air when we breathed the same; I wanted seas to divide us,
and waters to roll between, till he had forgotten that I had the means
of helping him through a new scheme. Disturbed by the late occurrences,
I instantly prepared for my departure. My only delay was waiting for a
maid-servant, who spoke French fluently, and had been warmly recommended
to me. A valet I was advised to hire, when I fixed on my place of
residence for any time.

"My God, with what a light heart did I set out for Dover!--It was not
my country, but my cares, that I was leaving behind. My heart seemed
to bound with the wheels, or rather appeared the centre on which
they twirled. I clasped you to my bosom, exclaiming 'And you will be
safe--quite safe--when--we are once on board the packet.--Would we were
there!' I smiled at my idle fears, as the natural effect of continual
alarm; and I scarcely owned to myself that I dreaded Mr. Venables's
cunning, or was conscious of the horrid delight he would feel, at
forming stratagem after stratagem to circumvent me. I was already in
the snare--I never reached the packet--I never saw thee more.--I grow
breathless. I have scarcely patience to write down the details. The
maid--the plausible woman I had hired--put, doubtless, some stupefying
potion in what I ate or drank, the morning I left town. All I know is,
that she must have quitted the chaise, shameless wretch! and taken (from
my breast) my babe with her. How could a creature in a female form
see me caress thee, and steal thee from my arms! I must stop, stop to
repress a mother's anguish; lest, in bitterness of soul, I imprecate the
wrath of heaven on this tiger, who tore my only comfort from me.

"How long I slept I know not; certainly many hours, for I woke at the
close of day, in a strange confusion of thought. I was probably roused
to recollection by some one thundering at a huge, unwieldy gate.
Attempting to ask where I was, my voice died away, and I tried to
raise it in vain, as I have done in a dream. I looked for my babe
with affright; feared that it had fallen out of my lap, while I had so
strangely forgotten her; and, such was the vague intoxication, I can
give it no other name, in which I was plunged, I could not recollect
when or where I last saw you; but I sighed, as if my heart wanted room
to clear my head.

"The gates opened heavily, and the sullen sound of many locks and
bolts drawn back, grated on my very soul, before I was appalled by the
creeking of the dismal hinges, as they closed after me. The gloomy pile
was before me, half in ruins; some of the aged trees of the avenue were
cut down, and left to rot where they fell; and as we approached some
mouldering steps, a monstrous dog darted forwards to the length of his
chain, and barked and growled infernally.

"The door was opened slowly, and a murderous visage peeped out, with a
lantern. 'Hush!' he uttered, in a threatning tone, and the affrighted
animal stole back to his kennel. The door of the chaise flew back, the
stranger put down the lantern, and clasped his dreadful arms around me.
It was certainly the effect of the soporific draught, for, instead of
exerting my strength, I sunk without motion, though not without sense,
on his shoulder, my limbs refusing to obey my will. I was carried up the
steps into a close-shut hall. A candle flaring in the socket, scarcely
dispersed the darkness, though it displayed to me the ferocious
countenance of the wretch who held me.

"He mounted a wide staircase. Large figures painted on the walls seemed
to start on me, and glaring eyes to meet me at every turn. Entering a
long gallery, a dismal shriek made me spring out of my conductor's arms,
with I know not what mysterious emotion of terror; but I fell on the
floor, unable to sustain myself.

"A strange-looking female started out of one of the recesses, and
observed me with more curiosity than interest; till, sternly bid
retire, she flitted back like a shadow. Other faces, strongly marked,
or distorted, peeped through the half-opened doors, and I heard some
incoherent sounds. I had no distinct idea where I could be--I looked on
all sides, and almost doubted whether I was alive or dead.

"Thrown on a bed, I immediately sunk into insensibility again; and
next day, gradually recovering the use of reason, I began, starting
affrighted from the conviction, to discover where I was confined--I
insisted on seeing the master of the mansion--I saw him--and perceived
that I was buried alive.--

"Such, my child, are the events of thy mother's life to this dreadful
moment--Should she ever escape from the fangs of her enemies, she will
add the secrets of her prison-house--and--"

Some lines were here crossed out, and the memoirs broke off abruptly
with the names of Jemima and Darnford.





APPENDIX

ADVERTISEMENT*



THE performance, with a fragment of which the reader has now been
presented, was designed to consist of three parts. The preceding sheets
were considered as constituting one of those parts. Those persons who in
the perusal of the chapters, already written and in some degree finished
by the author, have felt their hearts awakened, and their curiosity
excited as to the sequel of the story, will, of course, gladly accept
even of the broken paragraphs and half-finished sentences, which have
been found committed to paper, as materials for the remainder. The
fastidious and cold-hearted critic may perhaps feel himself repelled
by the incoherent form in which they are presented. But an inquisitive
temper willingly accepts the most imperfect and mutilated information,
where better is not to be had: and readers, who in any degree resemble
the author in her quick apprehension of sentiment, and of the pleasures
and pains of imagination, will, I believe, find gratification, in
contemplating sketches, which were designed in a short time to have
received the finishing touches of her genius; but which must now for
ever remain a mark to record the triumphs of mortality, over schemes of
usefulness, and projects of public interest.

* Presumed to have been written by Godwin [Publisher's note].




CHAPTER 15


DARNFORD returned the memoirs to Maria, with a most affectionate letter,
in which he reasoned on "the absurdity of the laws respecting matrimony,
which, till divorces could be more easily obtained, was," he declared,
"the most insufferable bondage." Ties of this nature could not bind minds
governed by superior principles; and such beings were privileged to act
above the dictates of laws they had no voice in framing, if they had
sufficient strength of mind to endure the natural consequence. In her
case, to talk of duty, was a farce, excepting what was due to herself.
Delicacy, as well as reason, forbade her ever to think of returning to
her husband: was she then to restrain her charming sensibility through
mere prejudice? These arguments were not absolutely impartial, for he
disdained to conceal, that, when he appealed to her reason, he felt
that he had some interest in her heart.--The conviction was not more
transporting, than sacred--a thousand times a day, he asked himself how
he had merited such happiness?--and as often he determined to purify the
heart she deigned to inhabit--He intreated to be again admitted to her
presence.