Venetian Years: Military Career

J >> Jacques Casanova de Seingalt >> Venetian Years: Military Career


Influenced perhaps by some secret sympathy, Madame F. was exceedingly
fond of the comfits. She asserted before all her friends that they were
the universal panacea, and knowing herself perfect mistress of the
inventor, she did not enquire after the secret of the composition. But
having observed that I gave away only the comfits which I kept in my
tortoise-shell box, and that I never eat any but those from the crystal
box, she one day asked me what reason I had for that. Without taking time
to think, I told her that in those I kept for myself there was a certain
ingredient which made the partaker love her.

"I do not believe it," she answered; "but are they different from those I
eat myself?"

"They are exactly the same, with the exception of the ingredient I have
just mentioned, which has been put only in mine."

"Tell me what the ingredient is."

"It is a secret which I cannot reveal to you."

"Then I will never eat any of your comfits."

Saying which, she rose, emptied her box, and filled it again with
chocolate drops; and for the next few days she was angry with me, and
avoided my company. I felt grieved, I became low-spirited, but I could
not make up my mind to tell her that I was eating her hair!

She enquired why I looked so sad.

"Because you refuse to take my comfits."

"You are master of your secret, and I am mistress of my diet."

"That is my reward for having taken you into my confidence."

And I opened my box, emptied its contents in my hand, and swallowed the
whole of them, saying, "Two more doses like this, and I shall die mad
with love for you. Then you will be revenged for my reserve. Farewell,
madam."

She called me back, made me take a seat near her, and told me not to
commit follies which would make her unhappy; that I knew how much she
loved me, and that it was not owing to the effect of any drug. "To prove
to you," she added, "that you do not require anything of the sort to be
loved, here is a token of my affection." And she offered me her lovely
lips, and upon them mine remained pressed until I was compelled to draw a
breath. I threw myself at her feet, with tears of love and gratitude
blinding my eyes, and told her that I would confess my crime, if she
would promise to forgive me.

"Your crime! You frighten me. Yes, I forgive you, but speak quickly, and
tell me all."

"Yes, everything. My comfits contain your hair reduced to a powder. Here
on my arm, see this bracelet on which our names are written with your
hair, and round my neck this chain of the same material, which will help
me to destroy my own life when your love fails me. Such is my crime, but
I would not have been guilty of it, if I had not loved you."

She smiled, and, bidding me rise from my kneeling position, she told me
that I was indeed the most criminal of men, and she wiped away my tears,
assuring me that I should never have any reason to strangle myself with
the chain.

After that conversation, in which I had enjoyed the sweet nectar of my
divinity's first kiss, I had the courage to behave in a very different
manner. She could see the ardour which consumed me; perhaps the same fire
burned in her veins, but I abstained from any attack.

"What gives you," she said one day, "the strength to control yourself?"

"After the kiss which you granted to me of your own accord, I felt that I
ought not to wish any favour unless your heart gave it as freely. You
cannot imagine the happiness that kiss has given me."

"I not imagine it, you ungrateful man! Which of us has given that
happiness?"

"Neither you nor I, angel of my soul! That kiss so tender, so sweet, was
the child of love!"

"Yes, dearest, of love, the treasures of which are inexhaustible."

The words were scarcely spoken, when our lips were engaged in happy
concert. She held me so tight against her bosom that I could not use my
hands to secure other pleasures, but I felt myself perfectly happy. After
that delightful skirmish, I asked her whether we were never to go any
further.

"Never, dearest friend, never. Love is a child which must be amused with
trifles; too substantial food would kill it."

"I know love better than you; it requires that substantial food, and
unless it can obtain it, love dies of exhaustion. Do not refuse me the
consolation of hope."

"Hope as much as you please, if it makes you happy."

"What should I do, if I had no hope? I hope, because I know you have a
heart."

"Ah! yes. Do you recollect the day, when, in your anger, you told me that
I had only a head, but no heart, thinking you were insulting me grossly!"

"Oh! yes, I recollect it."

"How heartily I laughed, when I had time to think! Yes, dearest, I have a
heart, or I should not feel as happy as I feel now. Let us keep our
happiness, and be satisfied with it, as it is, without wishing for
anything more."

Obedient to her wishes, but every day more deeply enamoured, I was in
hope that nature at last would prove stronger than prejudice, and would
cause a fortunate crisis. But, besides nature, fortune was my friend, and
I owed my happiness to an accident.

Madame F. was walking one day in the garden, leaning on M. D---- R-----'s
arm, and was caught by a large rose-bush, and the prickly thorns left a
deep cut on her leg. M. D---- R---- bandaged the wound with his
handkerchief, so as to stop the blood which was flowing abundantly, and
she had to be carried home in a palanquin.

In Corfu, wounds on the legs are dangerous when they are not well
attended to, and very often the wounded are compelled to leave the city
to be cured.

Madame F---- was confined to her bed, and my lucky position in the house
condemned me to remain constantly at her orders. I saw her every minute;
but, during the first three days, visitors succeeded each other without
intermission, and I never was alone with her. In the evening, after
everybody had gone, and her husband had retired to his own apartment, M.
D---- R---- remained another hour, and for the sake of propriety I had to
take my leave at the same time that he did. I had much more liberty
before the accident, and I told her so half seriously, half jestingly.
The next day, to make up for my disappointment, she contrived a moment of
happiness for me.

An elderly surgeon came every morning to dress her wound, during which
operation her maid only was present, but I used to go, in my morning
dishabille, to the girl's room, and to wait there, so as to be the first
to hear how my dear one was.

That morning, the girl came to tell me to go in as the surgeon was
dressing the wound.

"See, whether my leg is less inflamed."

"To give an opinion, madam, I ought to have seen it yesterday."

"True. I feel great pain, and I am afraid of erysipelas."

"Do not be afraid, madam," said the surgeon, "keep your bed, and I answer
for your complete recovery."

The surgeon being busy preparing a poultice at the other end of the room,
and the maid out, I enquired whether she felt any hardness in the calf of
the leg, and whether the inflammation went up the limb; and naturally, my
eyes and my hands kept pace with my questions.... I saw no inflammation,
I felt no hardness, but... and the lovely patient hurriedly let the
curtain fall, smiling, and allowing me to take a sweet kiss, the perfume
of which I had not enjoyed for many days. It was a sweet moment; a
delicious ecstacy. From her mouth my lips descended to her wound, and
satisfied in that moment that my kisses were the best of medicines, I
would have kept my lips there, if the noise made by the maid coming back
had not compelled me to give up my delightful occupation.

When we were left alone, burning with intense desires, I entreated her to
grant happiness at least to my eyes.

"I feel humiliated," I said to her, "by the thought that the felicity I
have just enjoyed was only a theft."

"But supposing you were mistaken?"

The next day I was again present at the dressing of the wound, and as
soon as the surgeon had left, she asked me to arrange her pillows, which
I did at once. As if to make that pleasant office easier, she raised the
bedclothes to support herself, and she thus gave me a sight of beauties
which intoxicated my eyes, and I protracted the easy operation without
her complaining of my being too slow.

When I had done I was in a fearful state, and I threw myself in an
arm-chair opposite her bed, half dead, in a sort of trance. I was looking
at that lovely being who, almost artless, was continually granting me
greater and still greater favours, and yet never allowed me to reach the
goal for which I was so ardently longing.

"What are you thinking of?" she said.

"Of the supreme felicity I have just been enjoying."

"You are a cruel man."

"No, I am not cruel, for, if you love me, you must not blush for your
indulgence. You must know, too, that, loving you passionately, I must not
suppose that it is to be a surprise that I am indebted for my happiness
in the enjoyment of the most ravishing sights, for if I owed it only to
mere chance I should be compelled to believe that any other man in my
position might have had the same happiness, and such an idea would be
misery to me. Let me be indebted to you for having proved to me this
morning how much enjoyment I can derive from one of my senses. Can you be
angry with my eyes?"

"Yes."

"They belong to you; tear them out."

The next day, the moment the doctor had gone, she sent her maid out to
make some purchases.

"Ah!" she said a few minutes after, "my maid has forgotten to change my
chemise."

"Allow me to take her place."

"Very well, but recollect that I give permission only to your eyes to
take a share in the proceedings."

"Agreed!"

She unlaced herself, took off her stays and her chemise, and told me to
be quick and put on the clean one, but I was not speedy enough, being too
much engaged by all I could see.

"Give me my chemise," she exclaimed; "it is there on that small table."

"Where?"

"There, near the bed. Well, I will take it myself."

She leaned over towards the table, and exposed almost everything I was
longing for, and, turning slowly round, she handed me the chemise which I
could hardly hold, trembling all over with fearful excitement. She took
pity on me, my hands shared the happiness of my eyes; I fell in her arms,
our lips fastened together, and, in a voluptuous, ardent pressure, we
enjoyed an amorous exhaustion not sufficient to allay our desires, but
delightful enough to deceive them for the moment.

With greater control over herself than women have generally under similar
circumstances, she took care to let me reach only the porch of the
temple, without granting me yet a free entrance to the sanctuary.