To Paris And Prison: The False Nun

J >> Jacques Casanova de Seingalt >> To Paris And Prison: The False Nun


"Tell me what I am to do, sweetheart," said she, "and be sure I will
refuse nothing which may be in my power."

"I shall be here this evening an hour after sunset, and ask for you at
this grating; come. I shall be with another man, to whom I beg of you to
say a few words of politeness; you can then leave us. Let us find some
pretext to justify the unseasonable hour."

"I will do what you ask, but you cannot imagine how troublesome it is in
a convent, for at six o'clock the parlours are shut up and the keys are
taken to the abbess' room. However, as you only want me for five minutes,
I will tell the abbess that I am expecting a letter from my brother, and
that it can be sent to me on this evening only. You must give me a letter
that the nun who will be with me may be able to say that I have not been
guilty of deception."

"You will not come alone, then?"

"I should not dare even to ask for such a privilege."

"Very good, but try to come with some old nun who is short-sighted."

"I will keep the light in the background."

"Pray do not do so, my beloved; on the contrary, place it so that you may
be distinctly seen."

"All this is very strange, but I have promised passive obedience, and I
will come down with two lights. May I hope that you will explain this
riddle to me at your next interview?"

"By to-morrow, at latest, you shall know the whole story."

"My curiosity will prevent me from sleeping."

"Not so, dear heart; sleep peacefully, and be sure of my gratitude."

The reader will think that after this conversation my heart was perfectly
at rest; but how far was I from resting! I returned to Venice, tortured
lest I should be told in the evening at the door of the cathedral, where
we were to meet, that the nun had been obliged to put off her
appointment. If that had happened, I should not have exactly suspected
M---- M----, but the ambassador would have thought that I had caused the
scheme to miscarry. It is certain that in that case I should not have
taken my man to the parlour, but should have gone there sadly by myself.

I passed the whole day in these torments, thinking it would never come to
an end, and in the evening I put a letter in my pocket, and went to my
post at the hour agreed upon.

Fortunately, Murray kept the appointment exactly.

"Is the nun there?" said I, as soon as he was near me.

"Yes, my dear fellow. We will go, if you like, to the parlour; but you
will find that we shall be told she is ill or engaged. If you like, the
bet shall be off."

"God forbid, my dear fellow! I cling to that hundred ducats. Let us be
gone."

We presented ourselves at the wicket, and I asked for M---- M----, and the
doorkeeper made me breathe again by saying that I was expected. I entered
the parlour with my English friend, and saw that it was lighted by four
candles. I cannot recall these moments without being in love with life. I
take note not only of my noble mistress's innocence, but also of the
quickness of her wit. Murray remained serious, without a smile on his
face. Full of grace and beauty, M---- M---- came into the room with a
lay-sister, each of them holding a candlestick. She paid me a compliment
in good French; I gave her the letter, and looking at the address and the
seal she put it in her pocket. After thanking me and saying she would
reply in due course, she turned towards my companion:

"I shall, perhaps, make you lose the first act of the opera," said she.

"The pleasure of seeing you, madam, is worth all the operas in the
world."

"You are English, I think?"

"Yes, madam."

"The English are now the greatest people in the world, because they are
free and powerful. Gentlemen, I wish you a very good evening."

I had never seen M---- M---- looking so beautiful as then, and I went out
of the parlour ablaze with love, and glad as I had never been before. I
walked with long strides towards my casino, without taking notice of the
ambassador, who did not hurry himself in following me; I waited for him
at my door.

"Well," said I, "are you convinced now that you have been cheated?"

"Be quiet, we have time enough to talk about that. Let us go upstairs."

"Shall I come?"

"Do. What do you think I could do by myself for four hours with that
creature who is waiting for me? We will amuse ourselves with her."

"Had we not better turn her out?"

"No; her master is coming for her at two o'clock in the morning. She
would go and warn him, and he would escape my vengeance. We will throw
them both out of the window."

"Be moderate, for M---- M---- s honour depends on the secrecy we observe.
Let us go upstairs. We shall have some fun. I should like to see the
hussy."

Murray was the first to enter the room. As soon as the girl saw me, she
threw her handkerchief over her face, and told the ambassador that such
behaviour was unworthy of him. He made no answer. She was not so tall as
M---- M----, and she spoke bad French.

Her cloak and mask were on the bed, but she was dressed as a nun. As I
wanted to see her face, I politely asked her to do me the favour of
shewing it.

"I don't know you," said she; "who are you?"

"You are in my house, and don't know who I am?"

"I am in your house because I have been betrayed. I did not think that I
should have to do with a scoundrel."

At this word Murray commanded her to be silent, calling her by the name
of her honourable business; and the slut got up to take her cloak, saying
she would go. Murray pushed her back, and told her that she would have to
wait for her worthy friend, warning her to make no noise if she wanted to
keep out of prison.

"Put me in prison!"

With this she directed her hand towards her dress, but I rushed forward
and seized one hand while Murray mastered the other. We pushed her back
on a chair while we possessed ourselves of the pistols she carried in her
pockets.

Murray tore away the front of her holy habit, and I extracted a stiletto
eight inches long, the false nun weeping bitterly all the time.

"Will you hold your tongue, and keep quiet till Capsucefalo comes," said
the ambassador, "or go to prison?"

"If I keep quiet what will become of me?"

"I promise to let you go."

"With him?"

"Perhaps."

"Very well, then, I will keep quiet."

"Have you got any more weapons?"

Hereupon the slut took off her habit and her petticoat, and if we had
allowed her she would have soon been in a state of nature, no doubt in
the expectation of our passions granting what our reason refused. I was
much astonished to find in her only a false resemblance to M.M. I
remarked as much to the ambassador, who agreed with me, but made me
confess that most men, prepossessed with the idea that they were going to
see M. M., would have fallen into the same trap. In fact, the longing to
possess one's self of a nun who has renounced all the pleasures of the
world, and especially that of cohabitation with the other sex, is the
very apple of Eve, and is more delightful from the very difficulty of
penetrating the convent grating.

Few of my readers will fail to testify that the sweetest pleasures are
those which are hardest to be won, and that the prize, to obtain which
one would risk one's life, would often pass unnoticed if it were freely
offered without difficulty or hazard.

In the following chapter, dear reader, you will see the end of this
farcical adventure. In the mean time, let us take a little breath.




CHAPTER XXIV

Pleasant Ending of the Adventure of the False Nun--M. M. Finds Out That I
Have a Mistress--She is Avenged on the Wretch Capsucefalo--I Ruin Myself
at Play, and at the Suggestion of M. M. I Sell all Her Diamonds, One
After Another--I Hand Over Tonine to Murray, Who Makes Provision for
Her--Her Sister Barberine Takes Her Place.

"How did you make this nice acquaintance?" I asked the ambassador.

"Six months ago," he replied, "while standing at the convent gate with
Mr. Smith, our consul, in whose company I had been to see some ceremony
or other, I remarked to him, as we were talking over some nuns we had
noticed, 'I would gladly give five hundred sequins for a few hours of
Sister M---- M---- s company.' Count Capsucefalo heard what I said, but
made no remark. Mr. Smith answered that one could only see her at the
grating as did the ambassador of France, who often came to visit her.
Capsucefalo called on me the next morning, and said that if I had spoken
in good faith he was sure he could get me a night with the nun in
whatever place I liked, if she could count on my secrecy. 'I have just
been speaking to her,' said he, 'and on my mentioning your name she said
she had noticed you with Mr. Smith, and vowed she would sup with you more
for love than money. 'I,' said the rascal, 'am the only man she trusts,
and I take her to the French ambassador's casino in Venice whenever she
wants to go there. You need not be afraid of being cheated, as you will
give the money to her personally when you have possessed yourself of
her.' With this he took her portrait from his pocket and shewed it me;
and here it is. I bought it of him two days after I believed myself to
have spent a night with the charming nun, and a fortnight after our
conversation. This beauty here came masked in a nun's habit, and I was
fool enough to think I had got a treasure. I am vexed with myself for not
having suspected the cheat--at all events, when I saw her hair, as I know
that nuns' hair should be cut short. But when I said something about it
to the hussy, she told me they were allowed to keep their hair under
their caps, and I was weak enough to believe her."

I knew that on this particular Murray had not been deceived, but I did
not feel compelled to tell him so then and there.

I held the portrait Murray had given me in my hand, and compared it with
the face before me. In the portrait the breast was bare, and as I was
remarking that painters did those parts as best they could, the impudent
wench seized the opportunity to shew me that the miniature was faithful
to nature. I turned my back upon her with an expression of contempt which
would have mortified her, if these creatures were ever capable of shame.
As we talked things over, I could not help laughing at the axiom, Things
which are equal to the same thing are equal to one another, for the
miniature was like M. M. and like the courtezan, and yet the two women
were not like each other. Murray agreed with me, and we spent an hour in
a philosophical discussion on the matter. As the false M. M. was named
Innocente, we expressed a wish to know how her name agreed with her
profession, and how the knave had induced her to play the part she had
taken; and she told us the following story:

"I have known Count Capsucefalo for two years, and have found him useful,
for, though he has given me no money, he has made me profit largely
through the people he has introduced to me. About the end of last autumn
he came to me one day, and said that if I could make up as a nun with
some clothes he would get me, and in that character pass a night with an
Englishman, I should be the better by five hundred sequins. 'You need not
be afraid of anything,' said he, 'as I myself will take you to the casino
where the dupe will be awaiting you, and I will come and take you back to
your imaginary convent towards the end of the night. He shewed me how I
must behave, and told me what to reply if my lover asked any questions
about the discipline of the convent.

"I liked the plot, gentlemen, and I told him I was ready to carry it out.
And be pleased to consider that there are not many women of my profession
who would hesitate over a chance of getting five hundred sequins. Finding
the scheme both agreeable and profitable, I promised to play my part with
the greatest skill. The bargain was struck, and he gave me full
instructions as to my dialogue. He told me that the Englishman could only
talk about my convent and any lovers I might have had; that on the latter
point I was to cut him short, and to answer with a laugh that I did not
know what he was talking about, and even to tell him that I was a nun in
appearance only, and that in the course of toying I might let him see my
hair. 'That,' said Capsucefalo, 'won't prevent him from thinking you a
nun--yes! and the very nun he is amorous of, for he will have made up his
mind that you cannot possibly be anyone else.' Seizing the point of the
jest, I did not take the trouble to find out the name of the nun I was to
represent, nor the convent whence I was to come; the only thing in my
head was the five hundred sequins. So little have I troubled about aught
else that, though I passed a delicious night with you, and found you
rather worthy of being paid for than paying, I have not ascertained who
and what you are, and I don't know at this moment to whom I am speaking.
You know what a night I had; I have told you it was delicious, and I was
happy in the idea that I was going to have another. You have found
everything out. I am sorry, but I am not afraid of anything, since I can
put on any disguise I like, and can't prevent my lovers taking me for a
saint if they like to do so. You have found weapons in my possession, but
everyone is allowed to bear arms in self-defence. I plead not guilty on
all counts."

"Do you know me?" said I.

"No, but I have often seen you passing under my window. I live at St.
Roch, near the bridge."

The way in which the woman told her yarn convinced us that she was an
adept in the science of prostitution, but we thought Capsucefalo, in
spite of the count, worthy of the pillory. The girl was about ten years
older than M. M., she was pretty, but light-complexioned, while my
beautiful nun had fine dark brown hair and was at least three inches
taller.

After twelve o'clock we sat down to supper, and did honour to the
excellent meal which my dear Antoinette had prepared for us. We were
cruel enough to leave the poor wretch without offering her so much as a
glass of wine, but we thought it our duty.

While we were talking, the jolly Englishman made some witty comments on
my eagerness to convince him that he had not enjoyed M. M.'s favours.

"I can't believe," said he, "that you have shewn so much interest without
being in love with the divine nun."

I answered by saying that if I were her lover I was much to be pitied in
being condemned to go to the parlour, and no farther.

"I would gladly give a hundred guineas a month," said he, "to have the
privilege of visiting her at the grating."

So saying he gave me my hundred sequins, complimenting me on my success,
and I slipped them forthwith into my pocket.

At two o'clock in the morning we heard a soft knock on the street door.

"Here is our friend," I said, "be discreet, and you will see that he will
make a full confession."

He came in and saw Murray and the lady, but did not discover that a third
party was present till he heard the ante-room door being locked. He
turned round and saw me, and as he knew me, merely said, without losing
countenance:

"Ah, you are here; you know, of course, that the secret must be kept?"

Murray laughed and calmly asked him to be seated, and he enquired, with
the lady's pistols in his hands, where he was going to take her before
day-break.

"Home."

"I think you may be mistaken, as it is very possible that when you leave
this place you will both of you be provided with a bed in prison."

"No, I am not afraid of that happening; the thing would make too much
noise, and the laugh would not be on your side. Come," said he to his
mate, "put on your cloak and let us be off."

The ambassador, who like an Englishman kept quite cool the whole time,
poured him out a glass of Chambertin, and the blackguard drank his
health. Murray seeing he had on a fine ring set with brilliants, praised
it, and shewing some curiosity to see it more closely he drew it off the
fellow's finger, examined it, found it without flaw, and asked how much
it was worth. Capsucefalo, a little taken aback, said it cost him four
hundred sequins.

"I will hold it as a pledge for that sum," said the ambassador, putting
the ring into his pocket. The other looked chop-fallen, and Murray
laughing at his retiring manners told the girl to put on her cloak and to
pack off with her worthy acolyte. She did so directly, and with a low bow
they disappeared.

"Farewell, nun procurer!" said the ambassador, but the count made no
answer.

As soon as they were gone I thanked Murray warmly for the moderation he
had shewn, as a scandal would have only injured three innocent people.

"Be sure," said he, "that the guilty parties shall be punished without
anyone's knowing the reason."

I then made Tonine come upstairs, and my English friend offered her a
glass of wine, which she declined with much modesty and politeness.
Murray looked at her with flaming glances, and left after giving me his
heartiest thanks.

Poor little Tonine had been resigned, and obedient for many hours, and
she had good cause to think I had been unfaithful to her; however, I gave
her the most unmistakable proofs of my fidelity. We stayed in bed for six
hours, and rose happy in the morning.

After dinner I hurried off to my noble M---- M----, and told her the whole
story. She listened eagerly, her various feelings flitting across her
face. Fear, anger, wrath, approval of my method of clearing up my natural
suspicions, joy at discovering me still her lover--all were depicted in
succession in her glance, and in the play of her features, and in the red
and white which followed one another on her cheeks and forehead. She was
delighted to hear that the masker who was with me in the parlour was the
English ambassador, but she became nobly disdainful when I told her that
he would gladly give a hundred guineas a month for the pleasure of
visiting her in the parlour. She was angry with him for fancying that she
had been in his power, and for finding a likeness between her and a
portrait, when, so she said, there was no likeness at all; I had given
her the portrait. She added, with a shrewd smile, that she was sure I had
not let my little maid see the false nun, as she might have been
mistaken.

"You know, do you, that I have a young servant?"

"Yes, and a pretty one, too. She is Laura's daughter, and if you love her
I am very glad, and so is C---- C----. I hope you will let me have a sight
of her. C---- C---- has seen her before."

As I saw that she knew too much for me to be able to deceive her, I took
my cue directly and told her in detail the history of my amours. She
shewed her satisfaction too openly not to be sincere. Before I left her
she said her honour obliged her to get Capsucefalo assassinated, for the
wretch had wronged her beyond pardon. By way of quieting her I promised
that if the ambassador did not rid us of him within the week I would
charge myself with the execution of our common vengeance.

About this time died Bragadin the procurator, brother of my patron,
leaving M. de Bragadin sufficiently well off. However, as the family
threatened to become extinct, he desired a woman who had been his
mistress, and of whom he had had a natural son, to become his wife. By
this marriage the son would have become legitimate, and the family
renewed again. The College of Cardinals would have recognized the wife
for a small fee, and all would have gone admirably.

The woman wrote to me, asking me to call on her; and I was going to,
curious to know what a woman, whom I did not know from Adam, could want
with me, when I received a summons from M. de Bragadin. He begged me to
ask Paralis if he ought to follow De la Haye's advice in a matter he had
promised not to confide to me, but of which the oracle must be informed.
The oracle, naturally opposed to the Jesuit, told him to consult his own
feelings and nothing else. After this I went to the lady.

She began by telling me the whole story. She introduced her son to me,
and told me that if the marriage could be performed, a deed would be
delivered in my favour by which, at the death of M. de Bragadin, I should
become entitled to an estate worth five thousand crowns per annum.

As I guessed without much trouble that this was the same matter which De
la Haye had proposed to M. de Bragadin, I answered without hesitation
that since De la Haye was before me I could do nothing, and thereupon
made her my bow.

I could not help wondering at this Jesuit's continually intriguing to
marry my old friends without my knowledge. Two years ago, if I had not
set my face against it, he would have married M. Dandolo. I cared not a
whit whether the family of Bragadin became extinct or not, but I did care
for the life of my benefactor, and was quite sure that marriage would
shorten it by many years; he was already sixty-three, and had recovered
from a serious apoplectic stroke.

I went to dine with Lady Murray (English-women who are daughters of lords
keep the title), and after dinner the ambassador told me that he had told
M. Cavalli the whole story of the false nun, and that the secretary had
informed him, the evening before, that everything had been done to his
liking. Count Capsucefalo had been sent to Cephalonia, his native
country, with the order never to return to Venice, and the courtezan had
disappeared.

The fine part, or rather the fearful part, about these sentences is that
no one ever knows the reason why or wherefore, and that the lot may fall
on the innocent as well as the guilty. M. M. was delighted with the
event, and I was more pleased than she, for I should have been sorry to
have been obliged to soil my hands with the blood of that rascally count.

There are seasons in the life of men which may be called 'fasti' and
'nefasti'; I have proved this often in my long career, and on the
strength of the rubs and struggles I have had to encounter. I am able, as
well as any man, to verify the truth of this axiom. I had just
experienced a run of luck. Fortune had befriended me at play, I had been
happy in the society of men, and from love I had nothing to ask; but now
the reverse of the medal began to appear. Love was still kind, but
Fortune had quite left me, and you will soon see, reader, that men used
me no better than the blind goddess. Nevertheless, since one's fate has
phases as well as the moon, good follows evil as disasters succeed to
happiness.

I still played on the martingale, but with such bad luck that I was soon
left without a sequin. As I shared my property with M. M. I was obliged
to tell her of my losses, and it was at her request that I sold all her
diamonds, losing what I got for them; she had now only five hundred
sequins by her. There was no more talk of her escaping from the convent,
for we had nothing to live on! I still gamed, but for small stakes,
waiting for the slow return of good luck.

One day the English ambassador, after giving me a supper at his casino
with the celebrated Fanny Murray, asked me to let him sup at my casino at
Muran, which I now only kept up for the sake of Tonine. I granted him the
favour, but did not imitate his generosity. He found my little mistress
smiling and polite, but always keeping within the bounds of decency, from
which he would have very willingly excused her. The next morning he wrote
to me as follows:

"I am madly in love with Tonine. If you like to hand her over to me I
will make the following provision for her: I will set her up in a
suitable lodging which I will furnish throughout, and which I will give
to her with all its contents, provided that I may visit her whenever I
please, and that she gives me all the rights of a fortunate lover. I will
give her a maid, a cook, and thirty sequins a month as provision for two
people, without reckoning the wine, which I will procure myself. Besides
this I will give her a life income of two hundred crowns per annum, over
which she will have full control after living with me for a year. I give
you a week to send your answer."

I replied immediately that I would let him know in three days whether his
proposal were accepted, for Tonine had a mother of whom she was fond, and
she would possibly not care to do anything without her consent. I also
informed him that in all appearance the girl was with child.

The business was an important one for Tonine. I loved her, but I knew
perfectly well that we could not pass the rest of our lives together, and
I saw no prospect of being able to make her as good a provision as that
offered by the ambassador. Consequently I had no doubts on the question,
and the very same day I went to Muran and told her all.

"You wish to leave me, then," said she, in tears.

"I love you, dearest, and what I propose ought to convince you of my
love."

"Not so; I cannot serve two masters."

"You will only serve your new lover, sweetheart. I beg of you to reflect
that you will have a fine dowry, on the strength of which you may marry
well; and that however much I love you I cannot possibly make so good a
provision for you."

"Leave me to-day for tears and reflection, and come to supper with me
to-morrow."