To Paris And Prison: The False Nun

J >> Jacques Casanova de Seingalt >> To Paris And Prison: The False Nun


"But, sir," answered the man, "we have not had a special courier for the
last two months:"

"What? Did not a special cabinet messenger arrive here last night?"

"Then he must have come in through the garret window or down the chimney,
for, on the word of an honest man, none entered through the gate."

"But the ambassador worked all night?"

"That may be, sir, but not here, for his excellency dined with the
Spanish ambassador, and did not return till very late:"

I had guessed rightly. I could no longer entertain any doubt. It was all
over; I could not draw back without shame. C---- C---- must resist, if the
game was distasteful to her; no violence would of course be offered to
her. The die was cast!

Towards evening I went to the casino of Muran, and wrote a short note to
M---- M----, requesting her to excuse me if some important business of M.
de Bragadin's prevented me from spending the night with her and with our
two friends, to whom I sent my compliments as well as my apologies. After
that I returned to Venice, but in rather an unpleasant mood; to divert
myself I went to the gaming table, and lost all night.

Two days afterwards, being certain that a letter from M---- M---- awaited
me at Muran, I went over, and the door-keeper handed me a parcel in which
I found a note from my nun and a letter from C---- C----, for everything
was now in common between them.

Here is C---- C----'s letter."

"We were very sorry, dearest friend, when we heard that we should not
have the happiness of seeing you. My dear M---- M----'s friend came
shortly afterwards, and when he read your note he likewise expressed his
deep regret. We expected to have a very dull supper, but the witty
sayings of that gentleman enlivened us and you cannot imagine of what
follies we were guilty after partaking of some champagne punch. Our
friend had become as gay as ourselves, and we spent the night in trios,
not very fatiguing, but very pleasant. I can assure you that that man
deserves to be loved, but he must acknowledge himself inferior to you in
everything. Believe me, dearest, I shall ever love you, and you must for
ever remain the master of my heart."

In spite of all my vexation, that letter made me laugh, but the note of
M---- M---- was much more singular. Here are the contents of it:

"I am certain, my own beloved, that you told a story out of pure
politeness, but you had guessed that I expected you to do so. You have
made our friend a splendid present in exchange for the one he made you
when he did not object to his M---- M---- bestowing her heart upon you. You
possess that heart entirely, dearest, and you would possess it under all
circumstances, but how sweet it is to flavour the pleasures of love with
the charms of friendship! I was sorry not to see you, but I knew that if
you had come we would not have had much enjoyment; for our friend,
notwithstanding all his wit, is not exempt from some natural prejudices.
As for C---- C----, her mind is now quite as free of them as our own, and
I am glad she owes it to me. You must feel thankful to me for having
completed her education, and for rendering her in every way worthy of
you. I wish you had been hiding in the closet, where I am certain you
would have spent some delightful hours. On Wednesday next I shall be
yours, and all alone with you in your casino in Venice; let me know
whether you will be at the usual hour near the statue of the hero
Colleoni. In case you should be prevented, name any other day."

I had to answer those two letters in the same spirit in which they had
been written, and in spite of all the bitter feelings which were then
raging in my heart, my answers were to be as sweet as honey. I was in
need of great courage, but I said to myself: "George Dandin, tu las
voulu!" I could not refuse to pay the penalty of my own deeds, and I have
never been able to ascertain whether the shame I felt was what is called
shamefacedness. It is a problem which I leave to others.

In my letter to C---- C---- I had the courage, or the effrontery, to
congratulate her, and to encourage her to imitate M---- M----, the best
model, I said, I could propose to her.

I wrote to my nun that I would be punctual at the appointment near the
statue, and amidst many false compliments, which ought to have betrayed
the true state of my heart, I told her that I admired the perfect
education she had given to C---- C----, but that I congratulated myself
upon having escaped the torture I should have suffered in the mysterious
observatory, for I felt that I could not have borne it.

On the Wednesday I was punctual at the rendezvous, and I had not to wait
long for M---- M----, who came disguised in male attire. "No theatre
to-night," she said to me; "let us go to the 'ridotto', to lose or double
our money." She had six hundred sequins. I had about one hundred. Fortune
turned her back upon us, and we lost all. I expected that we would then
leave that cutthroat place, but M---- M----, having left me for a minute,
came back with three hundred sequins which had been given to her by her
friend, whom she knew where to find. That money given by love or by
friendship brought her luck for a short time, and she soon won back all
we had lost, but in our greediness or imprudence we continued to play,
and finally we lost our last sequin.

When we could play no longer, M---- M---- said to me,

"Now that we need not fear thieves, let us go to our supper."

That woman, religious and a Free-thinker, a libertine and gambler, was
wonderful in all she did. She had just lost five hundred pounds, and she
was as completely at her ease as if she had won a very large sum. It is
true that the money she had just lost had not cost her much.

As soon as we were alone, she found me sad and low-spirited, although I
tried hard not to appear so, but, as for her, always the same, she was
handsome, brilliant, cheerful, and amorous.

She thought she would bring back my spirits by giving me the fullest
particulars of the night she had passed with C---- C---- and her friend,
but she ought to have guessed that she was going the wrong way. That is a
very common error, it comes from the mind, because people imagine that
what they feel themselves others must feel likewise.

I was on thorns, and I tried everything to avoid that subject, and to
lead the conversation into a different channel, for the amorous
particulars, on which she was dwelling with apparent delight, vexed me
greatly, and spite causing coldness, I was afraid of not playing my part
very warmly in the amorous contest which was at hand. When a lover doubts
his own strength, he may almost always be sure that he will fail in his
efforts.

After supper we went to bed in the alcove, where the beauty, the mental
and physical charms, the grace and the ardour of my lovely nun, cast all
my bad temper to the winds, and soon restored me to my usual
good-spirits. The nights being shorter we spent two hours in the most
delightful pleasures, and then parted, satisfied and full of love.

Before leaving, M---- M---- asked me to go to her casino, to take some
money and to play, taking her for my partner. I did so. I took all the
gold I found, and playing the martingale, and doubling my stakes
continuously, I won every day during the remainder of the carnival. I was
fortunate enough never to lose the sixth card, and, if I had lost it, I
should have been without money to play, for I had two thousand sequins on
that card. I congratulated myself upon having increased the treasure of
my dear mistress, who wrote to me that, for the sake of civility, we
ought to have a supper 'en partie carree' on Shrove Monday. I consented.

That supper was the last I ever had in my life with C---- C----. She was
in excellent spirits, but I had made up my mind, and as I paid all my
attentions to M---- M----, C---- C---- imitated my example without
difficulty, and she devoted herself wholly to her new lover.

Foreseeing that we would, a little later, be all of us in each other's
way, I begged M---- M---- to arrange everything so that we could be apart,
and she contrived it marvellously well.

After supper, the ambassador proposed a game of faro, which our beauties
did not know; he called for cards, and placed one hundred Louis on the
table before him; he dealt, and took care to make C---- C---- win the whole
of that sum. It was the best way to make her accept it as pin-money. The
young girl, dazzled by so much gold, and not knowing what to do with it,
asked her friend to take care of it for her until such time as she should
leave the convent to get married.

When the game was over, M---- M---- complained of a headache, and said that
she would go to bed in the alcove: she asked me to come and lull her to
sleep. We thus left the new lovers free to be as gay as they chose. Six
hours afterwards, when the alarum warned us that it was time to part, we
found them asleep in each other's embrace. I had myself passed an amorous
and quiet night, pleased with M---- M----, and with out giving one thought
to C---- C----.




CHAPTER XXII

M. De Bernis Goes Away Leaving Me the Use of His Casino--His Good Advice:
How I Follow It--Peril of M. M. and Myself--Mr. Murray, the English
Ambassador--Sale of the Casino and End of Our Meetings--Serious Illness
of M. M.--Zorzi and Condulmer--Tonnie

Though the infidelities of C---- C---- made me look at her with other eyes
than before, and I had now no intention of making her the companion of my
life, I could not help feeling that it had rested with me to stop her on
the brink of the stream, and I therefore considered it my duty always to
be her friend.

If I had been more logical, the resolution I took with respect to her
would doubtless have been of another kind. I should have said to myself:
After seducing her, I myself have set the example of infidelity; I have
bidden her to follow blindly the advice of her friend, although I knew
that the advice and the example of M---M---- would end in her ruin; I had
insulted, in the most grievous manner, the delicacy of my mistress, and
that before her very eyes, and after all this how could I ask a weak
woman to do what a man, priding himself on his strength, would shrink
from at tempting? I should have stood self-condemned, and have felt that
it was my duty to remain the same to her, but flattering myself that I
was overcoming mere prejudices, I was in fact that most degraded of
slaves, he who uses his strength to crush the weak.

The day after Shrove Tuesday, going to the casino of Muran, I found there
a letter from M---- M----, who gave me two pieces of bad news: that
C---- C---- had lost her mother, and that the poor girl was in despair; and
that the lay-sister, whose rheum was cured, had returned to take her
place. Thus C---- C---- was deprived of her friend at a time when she would
have given her consolation, of which she stood in great need. C---- C----,
it seemed, had gone to share the rooms of her aunt, who, being very fond
of her, had obtained permission from the superior. This circumstance
would prevent the ambassador taking any more suppers with her, and I
should have been delighted if chance had put this obstacle in his path a
few days sooner.

All these misfortunes seemed of small account com pared with what I was
afraid of, for C---- C---- might have to pay the price for her pleasures,
and I so far regarded myself as the origin of her unhappiness as to feel
bound never to abandon her, and this might have involved me in terrible
complications.

M---- M---- asked me to sup with her and her lover on the following Monday.
I went and found them both sad--he for the loss of his new mistress, and
she because she had no longer a friend to make the seclusion of the
convent pleasant.

About midnight M. de Bemis left us, saying in a melancholy manner that he
feared he should be obliged to pass several months in Vienna on important
diplomatic business. Before parting we agreed to sup together every
Friday.

When we were alone M---- M---- told me that the ambassador would be obliged
to me if in the future I would come to the casino two hours later. I
understood that the good-natured and witty profligate had a very natural
prejudice against indulging his amorous feelings except when he was
certain of being alone.

M. de Bemis came to all our suppers till he left for Vienna, and always
went away at midnight. He no longer made use of his hiding-place, partly
because we now only lay in the recess, and partly because, having had
time to make love before my arrival, his desires were appeased.
M---- M---- always found me amorous. My love, indeed, was even hotter than
it had been, since, only seeing her once a week and remaining faithful to
her, I had always an abundant harvest to gather in. C---- C----'s letters
which she brought to me softened me to tears, for she said that after the
loss of her mother she could not count upon the friendship of any of her
relations. She called me her sole friend, her only protector, and in
speaking of her grief in not being able to see me any more whilst she
remained in the convent, she begged me to remain faithful to her dear
friend.

On Good Friday, when I got to the casino, I found the lovers over-whelmed
with grief. Supper was served, but the ambassador, downcast and absent,
neither ate nor spoke; and M---- M---- was like a statue that moves at
intervals by some mechanism. Good sense and ordinary politeness prevented
me from asking any questions, but on M---- M---- leaving us together, M. de
Bemis told me that she was distressed, and with reason, since he was
obliged to set out for Vienna fifteen days after Easter. "I may tell you
confidentially," he added, "that I believe I shall scarcely be able to
return, but she must not be told, as she would be in despair."
M---- M---- came back in a few minutes, but it was easy to see that she had
been weeping.

After some commonplace conversation, M. de Bernis, seeing M---- M---- still
low-spirited, said,

"Do not grieve thus, sweetheart, go I must, but my return is a matter of
equal certainty when I have finished the important business which summons
me to Vienna. You will still have the casino, but, dearest, both
friendship and prudence make me advise you not to come here in my
absence, for after I have left Venice I cannot depend upon the faith of
the gondoliers in my service, and I suspect our friend here cannot
flatter himself on his ability to get reliable ones. I may also tell you
that I have strong reasons for suspecting that our intercourse is known
to the State Inquisitors, who conceal their knowledge for political
reasons, but I fancy the secret would soon come to light when I am no
longer here, and when the nun who connives at your departure from the
convent knows that it is no longer for me that you leave it. The only
people whom I would trust are the housekeeper and his wife. I shall order
them, before I go, to look upon our friend here as myself, and you can
make your arrangements with them. I trust all will go well till my
return, if you will only behave discreetly. I will write to you under
cover of the housekeeper, his wife will give you my letters as before,
and in the same way you may reply. I must needs go, dearest one, but my
heart is with you, and I leave you, till my return, in the hands of a
friend, whom I rejoice to have known. He loves you, he has a heart and
knowledge of the world, and he will not let you make any mistakes."

M---- M---- was so affected by what the ambassador had said that she
entreated us to let her go, as she wished to be alone and to lie down. As
she went we agreed to sup together on the following Thursday.

As soon as we were alone the ambassador impressed me with the absolute
necessity of concealing from her that he was going to return no more. "I
am going," said he, "to work in concert with the Austrian cabinet on a
treaty which will be the talk of Europe. I entreat you to write to me
unreservedly, and as a friend, and if you love our common mistress, have
a care for her honour, and above all have the strength of mind to resist
all projects which are certain to involve you in misfortune, and which
will be equally fatal to both. You know what happened to Madame de Riva,
a nun in the convent of St.----. She had to disappear after it became
known that she was with child, and M. de Frulai, my predecessor, went
mad, and died shortly after. J. J. Rousseau told me that he died of
poison, but he is a visionary who sees the black side of everything. For
my part, I believe that he died of grief at not being able to do anything
for the unfortunate woman, who afterwards procured a dispensation from
her vows from the Pope, and having got married is now living at Padua
without any position in society.

"Let the prudent and loyal friend master the lover: go and see
M---- M---- sometimes in the parlour of the convent, but not here, or the
boatmen will betray you. The knowledge which we both have that the girls
are in a satisfactory condition is a great alleviation to my distress,
but you must confess that you have been very imprudent. You have risked a
terrible misfortune; consider the position you would have been in, for I
am sure you would not have abandoned her. She had an idea that the danger
might be overcome by means of drugs but I convinced her that she was
mistaken. In God's name, be discreet in the future, and write to me
fully, for I shall always be interested in her fate, both from duty and
sentiment."

We returned together to Venice, where we separated, and I passed the rest
of the night in great distress. In the morning I wrote to the fair
afflicted, and whilst endeavouring to console her to the best of my
ability, I tried to impress on her the necessity for prudence and the
avoidance of such escapades as might eventually ruin us.

Next day I received her reply, every word of which spelt despair. Nature
had given her a disposition which had become so intensified by indulgence
that the cloister was unbearable to her, and I foresaw the hard fights I
should have to undergo.

We saw each other the Thursday after Easter, and I told her that I should
not come to the casino before midnight. She had had four hours to pass
with her lover in tears and regrets, amongst which she had often cursed
her cruel fate and the foolish resolution which made her take the veil.
We supped together, and although the meal was a rich and delicate one we
did it little honour. When we had finished, the ambassador left,
entreating me to remain, which I did, without thinking at all of the
pleasures of a party of two, for Love lighteth not his torch at the
hearts of two lovers who are full of grief and sorrow. M---- M---- had
grown thin, and her condition excited my pity and shut out all other
feelings. I held her a long time in my arms, covering her with tender and
affectionate kisses, but I shewed no intention of consoling her by
amusements in which her spirit could not have taken part. She said,
before we parted, that I had shewn myself a true lover, and she asked me
to consider myself from henceforth as her only friend and protector.

Next week, when we were together as usual, M. de Bemis called the
housekeeper just before supper, and in his presence executed a deed in my
behalf, which he made him sign. In this document he transferred to me all
rights over the contents of the casino, and charged him to consider me in
all things as his master.

We arranged to sup together two days after, to make our farewells, but on
my arrival I found by herself, standing up, and pale as death, or rather
as white as a statue of Carrara marble.

"He is gone," she said, "and he leaves me to your care. Fatal being, whom
perchance I shall see no more, whom I thought I loved but as a friend,
now you are lost to me I see my mistake. Before I knew him I was not
happy, but neither was I unhappy as I now am."

I passed the whole night beside her, striving by the most delicate
attentions to soften her grief, but with out success. Her character, as
abandoned to sorrow as to pleasure, was displayed to me during that long
and weary night. She told me at what hour I should come to the convent
parlour, the next day, and on my arrival I was delighted to find her not
quite so sad. She shewed me a letter which her lover had written to her
from Trevisa, and she then told me that I must come and see her twice a
week, warning me that she would be accompanied sometimes by one nun and
sometimes by another, for she foresaw that my visits would become the
talk of the convent, when it became known that I was the individual who
used to go to mass at their church. She therefore told me to give in
another name, to prevent C---- C----'s aunt from becoming suspicious.

"Nevertheless," she added, "this will not prevent my coming alone when I
have any matter of importance to communicate to you. Promise me,
sweetheart, to sup and sleep at the casino at least once a week, and
write me a note each time by the housekeeper's wife."

I made no difficulty in promising her that much.

We thus passed a fortnight quietly enough, as she was happy again, and
her amorous inclinations had returned in full force. About this time she
gave me a piece of news which delighted me--namely, that C---- C---- had no
longer anything to fear.

Full of amorous wishes and having to be content with the teasing pleasure
of seeing one another through a wretched grating, we racked our brains to
find out some way to be alone together to do what we liked, without any
risk.

"I am assured," she said, "of the good faith of the gardener's sister. I
can go out and come in without fear of being seen, for the little door
leading to the convent is not overlooked by any window--indeed it is
thought to be walled up. Nobody can see me crossing the garden to the
little stream, which is considered unnavigable. All we want is a
one-oared gondola, and I cannot believe that with the help of money you
will be unable to find a boatman on whom we may rely."

I understood from these expressions that she suspected me of becoming
cold towards her, and this suspicion pierced me to the heart.

"Listen," said I, "I will be the boatman myself. I will come to the quay,
pass by the little door, and you shall lead me to your room where I will
pass the whole night with you, and the day, too, if you think you can
hide me."

"That plan," said she, "makes me shudder. I tremble at the danger to
which you might be exposed. No, I should be too unfortunate if I were to
be the cause of your misfortune, but, as you can row, come in the boat,
let me know the time as closely as possible; the trusty woman will be on
the watch, and I will not keep you four minutes waiting. I will get into
the boat, we will go to our beloved casino, and then we shall be happy
without fearing anything."

"I will think it over."

The way I took to satisfy her was as follows: I bought a small boat, and
without telling her I went one night all by myself round the island to
inspect the walls of the convent on the side of the lagune. With some
difficulty I made out a little door, which I judged to be the only one by
which she could pass, but to go from there to the casino was no small
matter, since one was obliged to fetch a wide course, and with one oar I
could not do the passage in less than a quarter of an hour, and that with
much toil. Nevertheless, feeling sure of success, I told my pretty nun of
the plan, and never was news received with so much pleasure. We set our
watches together, and fixed our meeting for the Friday following.

On the day appointed, an hour before sunset, I betook myself to St.
Francis de la Vigne, where I kept my boat, and having set it in order and
dressed myself as a boatman, I got upon the poop and held a straight
course for the little door, which opened the moment I arrived.
M---- M---- came out wrapped in a cloak, and someone shutting the door
after her she got on board my frail bark, and in a quarter of an hour we
were at the casino. M---- M---- made haste to go in, but I stayed to belay
my boat with a lock and chain against thieves, who pass the night
pleasantly by stealing whatever they can lay hands on.

Though I had rowed easily enough, I was in a bath of perspiration, which,
however, by no means hindered my charming mistress from falling on my
neck; the pleasure of meeting seemed to challenge her love, and, proud of
what I had done, I enjoyed her transports.

Not dreaming that I should have any occasion for a change of linen, I had
brought none with me, but she soon found a cure for this defect; for
after having undressed me she dried me lovingly, gave me one of her
smocks, and I found myself dressed to admiration.

We had been too long deprived of our amorous pleasures to think of taking
supper before we had offered a plenteous sacrifice to love. We spent two
hours in the sweetest of intoxications, our bliss seeming more acute than
at our first meeting. In spite of the fire which consumed me, in spite of
the ardour of my mistress, I was sufficiently master of myself to
disappoint her at the critical moment, for the picture which our friend
had drawn was always before my eyes. M---- M----, joyous and wanton,
having me for the first time in the character of boatman, augmented our
delights by her amorous caprices, but it was useless for her to try to
add fuel to my flame, since I loved her better than myself.