The Memoires of Casanova, Complete

J >> Jacques Casanova de Seingalt >> The Memoires of Casanova, Complete


I asked Bellino to sit on my bed with the intention of making love to
him, and of treating him like a girl, but the two young sisters ran into
my room and disturbed my plans. Yet the trio formed before me a very
pleasing sight; they represented natural beauty and artless cheerfulness
of three different kinds; unobtrusive familiarity, theatrical wit,
pleasing playfulness, and pretty Bolognese manners which I witnessed for
the first time; all this would have sufficed to cheer me if I had been
downcast. Cecilia and Marina were two sweet rosebuds, which, to bloom in
all their beauty, required only the inspiration of love, and they would
certainly have had the preference over Bellino if I had seen in him only
the miserable outcast of mankind, or rather the pitiful victim of
sacerdotal cruelty, for, in spite of their youth, the two amiable girls
offered on their dawning bosom the precious image of womanhood.

Petronio came with the coffee which he poured out, and I sent some to the
mother, who never left her room. Petronio was a true male harlot by taste
and by profession. The species is not scare in Italy, where the offence
is not regarded with the wild and ferocious intolerance of England and
Spain. I had given him one sequin to pay for the coffee, and told him to
keep the change, and, to chew me his gratitude, he gave me a voluptuous
kiss with half-open lips, supposing in me a taste which I was very far
from entertaining. I disabused him, but he did not seem the least
ashamed. I told him to order dinner for six persons, but he remarked that
he would order it only for four, as he had to keep his dear mother
company; she always took her dinner in bed. Everyone to his taste, I
thought, and I let him do as he pleased.

Two minutes after he had gone, the landlord came to my room and said,
"Reverend sir, the persons you have invited here have each the appetite
of two men at least; I give you notice of it, because I must charge
accordingly." "All right," I replied, "but let us have a good dinner."

When I was dressed, I thought I ought to pay my compliments to the
compliant mother. I went to her room, and congratulated her upon her
children. She thanked me for the present I had given to Petronio, and
began to make me the confidant of her distress. "The manager of the
theatre," she said, "is a miser who has given us only fifty Roman crowns
for the whole carnival. We have spent them for our living, and, to return
to Bologna, we shall have to walk and beg our way." Her confidence moved
my pity, so I took a gold quadruple from my purse and offered it to her;
she wept for joy and gratitude.

"I promise you another gold quadruple, madam," I said, "if you will
confide in me entirely. Confess that Bellino is a pretty woman in
disguise."

"I can assure you it is not so, although he has the appearance of a
woman."

"Not only the appearance, madam, but the tone, the manners; I am a good
judge."

"Nevertheless, he is a boy, for he has had to be examined before he could
sing on the stage here."

"And who examined him?"

"My lord bishop's chaplain."

"A chaplain?"

"Yes, and you may satisfy yourself by enquiring from him."

"The only way to clear my doubts would be to examine him myself."

"You may, if he has no objection, but truly I cannot interfere, as I do
not know what your intentions are."

"They are quite natural."

I returned to my room and sent Petronio for a bottle of Cyprus wine. He
brought the wine and seven sequins, the change for the doubloon I had
given him. I divided them between Bellino, Cecilia and Marina, and begged
the two young girls to leave me alone with their brother.

"Bellino, I am certain that your natural conformation is different from
mine; my dear, you are a girl."

"I am a man, but a castrato; I have been examined."

"Allow me to examine you likewise, and I will give you a doubloon."

"I cannot, for it is evident that you love me, and such love is condemned
by religion."

"You did not raise these objections with the bishop's chaplain."

"He was an elderly priest, and besides, he only just glanced at me."

"I will know the truth," said I, extending my hand boldly.

But he repulsed me and rose from his chair. His obstinacy vexed me, for I
had already spent fifteen or sixteen sequins to satisfy my curiosity.

I began my dinner with a very bad humour, but the excellent appetite of
my pretty guests brought me round, and I soon thought that, after all,
cheerfulness was better than sulking, and I resolved to make up for my
disappointment with the two charming sisters, who seemed well disposed to
enjoy a frolic.

I began by distributing a few innocent kisses right and left, as I sat
between them near a good fire, eating chestnuts which we wetted with
Cyprus wine. But very soon my greedy hands touched every part which my
lips could not kiss, and Cecilia, as well as Marina, delighted in the
game. Seeing that Bellino was smiling, I kissed him likewise, and his
half-open ruffle attracting my hand, I ventured and went in without
resistance. The chisel of Praxiteles had never carved a finer bosom!

"Oh! this is enough," I exclaimed; "I can no longer doubt that you are a
beautifully-formed woman!"

"It is," he replied, "the defect of all castrati."

"No, it is the perfection of all handsome women. Bellino, believe me, I
am enough of a good judge to distinguish between the deformed breast of a
castrato, and that of a beautiful woman; and your alabaster bosom belongs
to a young beauty of seventeen summers."

Who does not know that love, inflamed by all that can excite it, never
stops in young people until it is satisfied, and that one favour granted
kindles the wish for a greater one? I had begun well, I tried to go
further and to smother with burning kisses that which my hand was
pressing so ardently, but the false Bellino, as if he had only just been
aware of the illicit pleasure I was enjoying, rose and ran away. Anger
increased in me the ardour of love, and feeling the necessity of calming
myself either by satisfying my ardent desires or by evaporating them, I
begged Cecilia, Bellino's pupil, to sing a few Neapolitan airs.

I then went out to call upon the banker, from whom I took a letter of
exchange at sight upon Bologna, for the amount I had to receive from him,
and on my return, after a light supper with the two young sisters, I
prepared to go to bed, having previously instructed Petronio to order a
carriage for the morning.

I was just locking my door when Cecilia, half undressed, came in to say
that Bellino begged me to take him to Rimini, where he was engaged to
sing in an opera to be performed after Easter.

"Go and tell him, my dear little seraph, that I am ready to do what he
wishes, if he will only grant me in your presence what I desire; I want
to know for a certainty whether he is a man or a woman."

She left me and returned soon, saying that Bellino had gone to bed, but
that if I would postpone my departure for one day only he promised to
satisfy me on the morrow.

"Tell me the truth, Cecilia, and I will give you six sequins."

"I cannot earn them, for I have never seen him naked, and I cannot swear
to his being a girl. But he must be a man, otherwise he would not have
been allowed to perform here."

"Well, I will remain until the day after to-morrow, provided you keep me
company tonight."

"Do you love me very much?"

"Very much indeed, if you shew yourself very kind."

"I will be very kind, for I love you dearly likewise. I will go and tell
my mother."

"Of course you have a lover?"

"I never had one."

She left my room, and in a short time came back full of joy, saying that
her mother believed me an honest man; she of course meant a generous one.
Cecilia locked the door, and throwing herself in my arms covered me with
kisses. She was pretty, charming, but I was not in love with her, and I
was not able to say to her as to Lucrezia: "You have made me so happy!"
But she said it herself, and I did not feel much flattered, although I
pretended to believe her. When I woke up in the morning I gave her a
tender salutation, and presenting her with three doubloons, which must
have particularly delighted the mother, I sent her away without losing my
time in promising everlasting constancy--a promise as absurd as it is
trifling, and which the most virtuous man ought never to make even to the
most beautiful of women.

After breakfast I sent for mine host and ordered an excellent supper for
five persons, feeling certain that Don Sancio, whom I expected in the
evening, would not refuse to honour me by accepting my invitation, and
with that idea I made up my mind to go without my dinner. The Bolognese
family did not require to imitate my diet to insure a good appetite for
the evening.

I then summoned Bellino to my room, and claimed the performance of his
promise but he laughed, remarked that the day was not passed yet, and
said that he was certain of traveling with me.

"I fairly warn you that you cannot accompany me unless I am fully
satisfied."

"Well, I will satisfy you."

"Shall we go and take a walk together?"

"Willingly; I will dress myself."

While I was waiting for him, Marina came in with a dejected countenance,
enquiring how she had deserved my contempt.

"Cecilia has passed the night with you, Bellino will go with you
to-morrow, I am the most unfortunate of us all."

"Do you want money?"

"No, for I love you."

"But, Marinetta, you are too young."

"I am much stronger than my sister."

"Perhaps you have a lover."

"Oh! no."

"Very well, we can try this evening."

"Good! Then I will tell mother to prepare clean sheets for to-morrow
morning; otherwise everybody here would know that I slept with you."

I could not help admiring the fruits of a theatrical education, and was
much amused.

Bellino came back, we went out together, and we took our walk towards the
harbour. There were several vessels at anchor, and amongst them a
Venetian ship and a Turkish tartan. We went on board the first which we
visited with interest, but not seeing anyone of my acquaintance, we rowed
towards the Turkish tartan, where the most romantic surprise awaited me.
The first person I met on board was the beautiful Greek woman I had left
in Ancona, seven months before, when I went away from the lazzaretto. She
was seated near the old captain, of whom I enquired, without appearing to
notice his handsome slave, whether he had any fine goods to sell. He took
us to his cabin, but as I cast a glance towards the charming Greek, she
expressed by her looks all her delight at such an unexpected meeting.

I pretended not to be pleased with the goods shewn by the Turk, and under
the impulse of inspiration I told him that I would willingly buy
something pretty which would take the fancy of his better-half. He
smiled, and the Greek slave-having whispered a few words to him, he left
the cabin. The moment he was out of sight, this new Aspasia threw herself
in my arms, saying, "Now is your time!" I would not be found wanting in
courage, and taking the most convenient position in such a place, I did
to her in one instant that which her old master had not done in five
years. I had not yet reached the goal of my wishes, when the unfortunate
girl, hearing her master, tore herself from my arms with a deep sigh, and
placing herself cunningly in front of me, gave me time to repair the
disorder of my dress, which might have cost me my life, or at least all I
possessed to compromise the affair. In that curious situation, I was
highly amused at the surprise of Bellino, who stood there trembling like
an aspen leaf.

The trifles chosen by the handsome slave cost me only thirty sequins.
'Spolaitis', she said to me in her own language, and the Turk telling her
that she ought to kiss me, she covered her face with her hands, and ran
away. I left the ship more sad than pleased, for I regretted that, in
spite of her courage, she should have enjoyed only an incomplete
pleasure. As soon as we were in our row boat, Bellino, who had recovered
from his fright, told me that I had just made him acquainted with a
phenomenon, the reality of which he could not admit, and which gave him a
very strange idea of my nature; that, as far as the Greek girl was
concerned, he could not make her out, unless I should assure him that
every woman in her country was like her. "How unhappy they must be!" he
added.

"Do you think," I asked, "that coquettes are happier?"

"No, but I think that when a woman yields to love, she should not be
conquered before she has fought with her own desires; she should not give
way to the first impulse of a lustful desire and abandon herself to the
first man who takes her fancy, like an animal--the slave of sense. You
must confess that the Greek woman has given you an evident proof that you
had taken her fancy, but that she has at the same time given you a proof
not less certain of her beastly lust, and of an effrontery which exposed
her to the shame of being repulsed, for she could not possibly know
whether you would feel as well disposed for her as she felt for you. She
is very handsome, and it all turned out well, but the adventure has
thrown me into a whirlpool of agitation which I cannot yet control."

I might easily have put a stop to Bellino's perplexity, and rectified the
mistake he was labouring under; but such a confession would not have
ministered to my self-love, and I held my peace, for, if Bellino happened
to be a girl, as I suspected, I wanted her to be convinced that I
attached, after all, but very little importance to the great affair, and
that it was not worth while employing cunning expedients to obtain it.

We returned to the inn, and, towards evening, hearing Don Sancio's
travelling carriage roll into the yard, I hastened to meet him, and told
him that I hoped he would excuse me if I had felt certain that he would
not refuse me the honour of his company to supper with Bellino. He
thanked me politely for the pleasure I was so delicately offering him,
and accepted my invitation.

The most exquisite dishes, the most delicious wines of Spain, and, more
than everything else, the cheerfulness and the charming voices of Bellino
and of Cecilia, gave the Castilian five delightful hours. He left me at
midnight, saying that he could not declare himself thoroughly pleased
unless I promised to sup with him the next evening with the same guests.
It would compel me to postpone my departure for another day, but I
accepted.

As soon as Don Sancio had gone, I called upon Bellino to fulfil his
promise, but he answered that Marinetta was waiting for me, and that, as
I was not going away the next day, he would find an opportunity of
satisfying my doubts; and wishing me a good night, he left the room.

Marinetta, as cheerful as a lark, ran to lock the door and came back to
me, her eyes beaming with ardour. She was more formed than Cecilia,
although one year younger, and seemed anxious to convince me of her
superiority, but, thinking that the fatigue of the preceding night might
have exhausted my strength, she unfolded all the amorous ideas of her
mind, explained at length all she knew of the great mystery she was going
to enact with me, and of all the contrivances she had had recourse to in
order to acquire her imperfect knowledge, the whole interlarded with the
foolish talk natural to her age. I made out that she was afraid of my not
finding her a maiden, and of my reproaching her about it. Her anxiety
pleased me, and I gave her a new confidence by telling her that nature
had refused to many young girls what is called maidenhood, and that only
a fool could be angry with a girl for such a reason.

My science gave her courage and confidence, and I was compelled to
acknowledge that she was very superior to her sister.

"I am delighted you find me so," she said; "we must not sleep at all
throughout the night."

"Sleep, my darling, will prove our friend, and our strength renewed by
repose will reward you in the morning for what you may suppose lost
time."

And truly, after a quiet sleep, the morning was for her a succession of
fresh triumphs, and I crowned her happiness by sending her away with
three doubloons, which she took to her mother, and which gave the good
woman an insatiable desire to contract new obligations towards
Providence.

I went out to get some money from the banker, as I did not know what
might happen during my journey. I had enjoyed myself, but I had spent too
much: yet there was Bellino who, if a girl, was not to find me less
generous than I had been with the two young sisters. It was to be decided
during the day, and I fancied that I was sure of the result.

There are some persons who pretend that life is only a succession of
misfortunes, which is as much as to say that life itself is a misfortune;
but if life is a misfortune, death must be exactly the reverse and
therefore death must be happiness, since death is the very reverse of
life. That deduction may appear too finely drawn. But those who say that
life is a succession of misfortunes are certainly either ill or poor;
for, if they enjoyed good health, if they had cheerfulness in their heart
and money in their purse, if they had for their enjoyment a Cecilia, a
Marinetta, and even a more lovely beauty in perspective, they would soon
entertain a very different opinion of life! I hold them to be a race of
pessimists, recruited amongst beggarly philosophers and knavish,
atrabilious theologians. If pleasure does exist, and if life is necessary
to enjoy pleasure, then life is happiness. There are misfortunes, as I
know by experience; but the very existence of such misfortunes proves
that the sum-total of happiness is greater. Because a few thorns are to
be found in a basket full of roses, is the existence of those beautiful
flowers to be denied? No; it is a slander to deny that life is happiness.
When I am in a dark room, it pleases me greatly to see through a window
an immense horizon before me.

As supper-time was drawing near, I went to Don Sancio, whom I found in
magnificently-furnished apartments. The table was loaded with silver
plate, and his servants were in livery. He was alone, but all his guests
arrived soon after me--Cecilia, Marina, and Bellino, who, either by
caprice or from taste, was dressed as a woman. The two young sisters,
prettily arranged, looked charming, but Bellino, in his female costume,
so completely threw them into the shade, that my last doubt vanished.

"Are you satisfied," I said to Don Sancio, "that Bellino is a woman?"

"Woman or man, what do I care! I think he is a very pretty 'castrato',
and 'I have seen many as good-looking as he is."

"But are you sure he is a 'castrato'?"

"'Valgame Dios'!" answered the grave Castilian, "I have not the slightest
wish to ascertain the truth."

Oh, how widely different our thoughts were! I admired in him the wisdom
of which I was so much in need, and did not venture upon any more
indiscreet questions. During the supper, however, my greedy eyes could
not leave that charming being; my vicious nature caused me to feel
intense voluptuousness in believing him to be of that sex to which I
wanted him to belong.

Don Sancio's supper was excellent, and, as a matter of course, superior
to mine; otherwise the pride of the Castilian would have felt humbled. As
a general rule, men are not satisfied with what is good; they want the
best, or, to speak more to the point, the most. He gave us white
truffles, several sorts of shell-fish, the best fish of the Adriatic, dry
champagne, peralta, sherry and pedroximenes wines.

After that supper worthy of Lucullus, Bellino sang with a voice of such
beauty that it deprived us of the small amount of reason left in us by
the excellent wine. His movements, the expression of his looks, his gait,
his walk, his countenance, his voice, and, above all, my own instinct,
which told me that I could not possibly feel for a castrato what I felt
for Bellino, confirmed me in my hopes; yet it was necessary that my eyes
should ascertain the truth.

After many compliments and a thousand thanks, we took leave of the grand
Spaniard, and went to my room, where the mystery was at last to be
unravelled. I called upon Bellino to keep his word, or I threatened to
leave him alone the next morning at day-break.

I took him by the hand, and we seated ourselves near the fire. I
dismissed Cecilia and Marina, and I said to him,

"Bellino, everything must have an end; you have promised: it will soon be
over. If you are what you represent yourself to be, I will let you go
back to your own room; if you are what I believe you to be, and if you
consent to remain with me to-night, I will give you one hundred sequins,
and we will start together tomorrow morning."

"You must go alone, and forgive me if I cannot fulfil my promise. I am
what I told you, and I can neither reconcile myself to the idea of
exposing my shame before you, nor lay myself open to the terrible
consequences that might follow the solution of your doubts."

"There can be no consequences, since there will be an end to it at the
moment I have assured myself that you are unfortunate enough to be what
you say, and without ever mentioning the circumstances again, I promise
to take you with me to-morrow and to leave you at Rimini."

"No, my mind is made up; I cannot satisfy your curiosity."

Driven to madness by his words, I was very near using violence, but
subduing my angry feelings, I endeavored to succeed by gentle means and
by going straight to the spot where the mystery could be solved. I was
very near it, when his hand opposed a very strong resistance. I repeated
my efforts, but Bellino, rising suddenly, repulsed me, and I found myself
undone. After a few moments of calm, thinking I should take him by
surprise, I extended my hand, but I drew back terrified, for I fancied
that I had recognized in him a man, and a degraded man, contemptible less
on account of his degradation than for the want of feeling I thought I
could read on his countenance. Disgusted, confused, and almost blushing
for myself, I sent him away.

His sisters came to my room, but I dismissed them, sending word to their
brother that he might go with me, without any fear of further
indiscretion on my part. Yet, in spite of the conviction I thought I had
acquired, Bellino, even such as I believe him to be, filled my thoughts;
I could not make it out.

Early the next morning I left Ancona with him, distracted by the tears of
the two charming sisters and loaded with the blessings of the mother who,
with beads in hand, mumbled her 'paternoster', and repeated her constant
theme: 'Dio provedera'.

The trust placed in Providence by most of those persons who earn their
living by some profession forbidden by religion is neither absurd, nor
false, nor deceitful; it is real and even godly, for it flows from an
excellent source. Whatever may be the ways of Providence, human beings
must always acknowledge it in its action, and those who call upon
Providence independently of all external consideration must, at the
bottom, be worthy, although guilty of transgressing its laws.

'Pulchra Laverna,
Da mihi fallere; da justo sanctoque videri;
Noctem peccatis, et fraudibus objice nubem.'

Such was the way in which, in the days of Horace, robbers addressed their
goddess, and I recollect a Jesuit who told me once that Horace would not
have known his own language, if he had said justo sanctoque: but there
were ignorant men even amongst the Jesuits, and robbers most likely have
but little respect for the rules of grammar.

The next morning I started with Bellino, who, believing me to be
undeceived, could suppose that I would not shew any more curiosity about
him, but we had not been a quarter of an hour together when he found out
his mistake, for I could not let my looks fall upon his splendid eyes
without feeling in me a fire which the sight of a man could not have
ignited. I told him that all his features were those of a woman, and that
I wanted the testimony of my eyes before I could feel perfectly
satisfied, because the protuberance I had felt in a certain place might
be only a freak of nature. "Should it be the case," I added, "I should
have no difficulty in passing over a deformity which, in reality, is only
laughable. Bellino, the impression you produce upon me, this sort of
magnetism, your bosom worthy of Venus herself, which you have once
abandoned to my eager hand, the sound of your voice, every movement of
yours, assure me that you do not belong to my sex. Let me see for myself,
and, if my conjectures are right, depend upon my faithful love; if, on
the contrary, I find that I have been mistaken, you can rely upon my
friendship. If you refuse me, I shall be compelled to believe that you
are cruelly enjoying my misery, and that you have learned in the most
accursed school that the best way of preventing a young man from curing
himself of an amorous passion is to excite it constantly; but you must
agree with me that, to put such tyranny in practice, it is necessary to
hate the person it is practised upon, and, if that be so, I ought to call
upon my reason to give me the strength necessary to hate you likewise."