The Memoires of Casanova, Complete

J >> Jacques Casanova de Seingalt >> The Memoires of Casanova, Complete


How many things we might have said to each other before giving ourselves
up to the material enjoyment of our love, had not the instants been so
precious! But, aware that we had only half an hour before us, we were
sparing of the minutes. We were absorbed in voluptuous pleasure when
suddenly Lucrezia exclaims,---

"Oh! dear, how unhappy we are!"

She pushes me back, composes herself, the carriage stops, and the servant
opens the door. "What is the matter?" I enquire. "We are at home."
Whenever I recollect the circumstance, it seems to me fabulous, for it is
not possible to annihilate time, and the horses were regular old screws.
But we were lucky all through. The night was dark, and my beloved angel
happened to be on the right side to get out of the carriage first, so
that, although the advocate was at the door of the brougham as soon as
the footman, everything went right, owing to the slow manner in which
Lucrezia alighted. I remained at Donna Cecilia's until midnight.

When I got home again, I went to bed; but how could I sleep? I felt
burning in me the flame which I had not been able to restore to its
original source in the too short distance from Testaccio to Rome. It was
consuming me. Oh! unhappy are those who believe that the pleasures of
Cythera are worth having, unless they are enjoyed in the most perfect
accord by two hearts overflowing with love!

I only rose in time for my French lesson. My teacher had a pretty
daughter, named Barbara, who was always present during my lessons, and
who sometimes taught me herself with even more exactitude than her
father. A good-looking young man, who likewise took lessons, was courting
her, and I soon perceived that she loved him. This young man called often
upon me, and I liked him, especially on account of his reserve, for,
although I made him confess his love for Barbara, he always changed the
subject, if I mentioned it in our conversation.

I had made up my mind to respect his reserve, and had not alluded to his
affection for several days. But all at once I remarked that he had ceased
his visits both to me and to his teacher, and at the same time I observed
that the young girl was no longer present at my lessons; I felt some
curiosity to know what had happened, although it was not, after all, any
concern of mine.

A few days after, as I was returning from church, I met the young man,
and reproached him for keeping away from us all. He told me that great
sorrow had befallen him, which had fairly turned his brain, and that he
was a prey to the most intense despair. His eyes were wet with tears. As
I was leaving him, he held me back, and I told him that I would no longer
be his friend unless he opened his heart to me. He took me to one of the
cloisters, and he spoke thus:

"I have loved Barbara for the last six months, and for three months she
has given me indisputable proofs of her affection. Five days ago, we were
betrayed by the servant, and the father caught us in a rather delicate
position. He left the room without saying one word, and I followed him,
thinking of throwing myself at his feet; but, as I appeared before him,
he took hold of me by the arm, pushed me roughly to the door, and forbade
me ever to present myself again at his house. I cannot claim her hand in
marriage, because one of my brothers is married, and my father is not
rich; I have no profession, and my mistress has nothing. Alas, now that I
have confessed all to you, tell me, I entreat you, how she is. I am
certain that she is as miserable as I am myself. I cannot manage to get a
letter delivered to her, for she does not leave the house, even to attend
church. Unhappy wretch! What shall I do?"

I could but pity him, for, as a man of honour, it was impossible for me
to interfere in such a business. I told him that I had not seen Barbara
for five days, and, not knowing what to say, I gave him the advice which
is tendered by all fools under similar circumstances; I advised him to
forget his mistress.

We had then reached the quay of Ripetta, and, observing that he was
casting dark looks towards the Tiber, I feared his despair might lead him
to commit some foolish attempt against his own life, and, in order to
calm his excited feelings, I promised to make some enquiries from the
father about his mistress, and to inform him of all I heard. He felt
quieted by my promise, and entreated me not to forget him.

In spite of the fire which had been raging through my veins ever since
the excursion to Testaccio, I had not seen my Lucrezia for four days. I
dreaded Father Georgi's suave manner, and I was still more afraid of
finding he had made up his mind to give me no more advice. But, unable to
resist my desires, I called upon Lucrezia after my French lesson, and
found her alone, sad and dispirited.

"Ah!" she exclaimed, as soon as I was by her side, "I think you might
find time to come and see me!"

"My beloved one, it is not that I cannot find time, but I am so jealous
of my love that I would rather die than let it be known publicly. I have
been thinking of inviting you all to dine with me at Frascati. I will
send you a phaeton, and I trust that some lucky accident will smile upon
our love."

"Oh! yes, do, dearest! I am sure your invitation will be accepted:"

In a quarter of an hour the rest of the family came in, and I proffered
my invitation for the following Sunday, which happened to be the Festival
of St. Ursula, patroness of Lucrezia's youngest sister. I begged Donna
Cecilia to bring her as well as her son. My proposal being readily
accepted, I gave notice that the phaeton would be at Donna Cecilia's door
at seven o'clock, and that I would come myself with a carriage for two
persons.

The next day I went to M. Dalacqua, and, after my lesson, I saw Barbara
who, passing from one room to another, dropped a paper and earnestly
looked at me. I felt bound to pick it up, because a servant, who was at
hand, might have seen it and taken it. It was a letter, enclosing another
addressed to her lover. The note for me ran thus: "If you think it to be
a sin to deliver the enclosed to your friend, burn it. Have pity on an
unfortunate girl, and be discreet."

The enclosed letter which was unsealed, ran as follows: "If you love me
as deeply as 'I love you, you cannot hope to be happy without me; we
cannot correspond in any other way than the one I am bold enough to
adopt. I am ready to do anything to unite our lives until death. Consider
and decide."

The cruel situation of the poor girl moved me almost to tears; yet I
determined to return her letter the next day, and I enclosed it in a note
in which I begged her to excuse me if I could not render her the service
she required at my hands. I put it in my pocket ready for delivery. The
next day I went for my lesson as usual, but, not seeing Barbara, I had no
opportunity of returning her letter, and postponed its delivery to the
following day. Unfortunately, just after I had returned to my room, the
unhappy lover made his appearance. His eyes were red from weeping, his
voice hoarse; he drew such a vivid picture of his misery, that, dreading
some mad action counselled by despair, I could not withhold from him the
consolation which I knew it was in my power to give. This was my first
error in this fatal business; I was the victim of my own kindness.

The poor fellow read the letter over and over; he kissed it with
transports of joy; he wept, hugged me, and thanked me for saving his
life, and finally entreated me to take charge of his answer, as his
beloved mistress must be longing for consolation as much as he had been
himself, assuring me that his letter could not in any way implicate me,
and that I was at liberty to read it.

And truly, although very long, his letter contained nothing but the
assurance of everlasting love, and hopes which could not be realized. Yet
I was wrong to accept the character of Mercury to the two young lovers.
To refuse, I had only to recollect that Father Georgi would certainly
have disapproved of my easy compliance.

The next day I found M. Dalacqua ill in bed; his daughter gave me my
lesson in his room, and I thought that perhaps she had obtained her
pardon. I contrived to give her her lover's letter, which she dextrously
conveyed to her pocket, but her blushes would have easily betrayed her if
her father had been looking that way. After the lesson I gave M. Dalacqua
notice that I would not come on the morrow, as it was the Festival of St.
Ursula, one of the eleven thousand princesses and martyr-virgins.

In the evening, at the reception of his eminence, which I attended
regularly, although persons of distinction seldom spoke to me, the
cardinal beckoned to me. He was speaking to the beautiful Marchioness
G----, to whom Gama had indiscreetly confided that I thought her the
handsomest woman amongst his eminence's guests.

"Her grace," said the Cardinal, "wishes to know whether you are making
rapid progress in the French language, which she speaks admirably."

I answered in Italian that I had learned a great deal, but that I was not
yet bold enough to speak.

"You should be bold," said the marchioness, "but without showing any
pretension. It is the best way to disarm criticism."

My mind having almost unwittingly lent to the words "You should be bold"
a meaning which had very likely been far from the idea of the
marchioness, I turned very red, and the handsome speaker, observing it,
changed the conversation and dismissed me.

The next morning, at seven o'clock, I was at Donna Cecilia's door. The
phaeton was there as well as the carriage for two persons, which this
time was an elegant vis-a-vis, so light and well-hung that Donna Cecilia
praised it highly when she took her seat.

"I shall have my turn as we return to Rome," said Lucrezia; and I bowed
to her as if in acceptance of her promise.

Lucrezia thus set suspicion at defiance in order to prevent suspicion
arising. My happiness was assured, and I gave way to my natural flow of
spirits. I ordered a splendid dinner, and we all set out towards the
Villa Ludovisi. As we might have missed each other during our ramblings,
we agreed to meet again at the inn at one o'clock. The discreet widow
took the arm of her son-in-law, Angelique remained with her sister, and
Lucrezia was my delightful share; Ursula and her brother were running
about together, and in less than a quarter of an hour I had Lucrezia
entirely to myself.

"Did you remark," she said, "with what candour I secured for us two hours
of delightful 'tete-a-tete', and a 'tete-a-tete' in a 'vis-a-vis', too!
How clever Love is!"

"Yes, darling, Love has made but one of our two souls. I adore you, and
if I have the courage to pass so many days without seeing you it is in
order to be rewarded by the freedom of one single day like this."

"I did not think it possible. But you have managed it all very well. You
know too much for your age, dearest."

"A month ago, my beloved, I was but an ignorant child, and you are the
first woman who has initiated me into the mysteries of love. Your
departure will kill me, for I could not find another woman like you in
all Italy."

"What! am I your first love? Alas! you will never be cured of it. Oh! why
am I not entirely your own? You are also the first true love of my heart,
and you will be the last. How great will be the happiness of my
successor! I should not be jealous of her, but what suffering would be
mine if I thought that her heart was not like mine!"

Lucrezia, seeing my eyes wet with tears, began to give way to her own,
and, seating ourselves on the grass, our lips drank our tears amidst the
sweetest kisses. How sweet is the nectar of the tears shed by love, when
that nectar is relished amidst the raptures of mutual ardour! I have
often tasted them--those delicious tears, and I can say knowingly that
the ancient physicians were right, and that the modern are wrong.

In a moment of calm, seeing the disorder in which we both were, I told
her that we might be surprised.

"Do not fear, my best beloved," she said, "we are under the guardianship
of our good angels."

We were resting and reviving our strength by gazing into one another's
eyes, when suddenly Lucrezia, casting a glance to the right, exclaimed,

"Look there! idol of my heart, have I not told you so? Yes, the angels
are watching over us! Ah! how he stares at us! He seems to try to give us
confidence. Look at that little demon; admire him! He must certainly be
your guardian spirit or mine."

I thought she was delirious.

"What are you saying, dearest? I do not understand you. What am I to
admire?"

"Do you not see that beautiful serpent with the blazing skin, which lifts
its head and seems to worship us?"

I looked in the direction she indicated, and saw a serpent with
changeable colours about three feet in length, which did seem to be
looking at us. I was not particularly pleased at the sight, but I could
not show myself less courageous than she was.

"What!" said I, "are you not afraid?"

"I tell you, again, that the sight is delightful to me, and I feel
certain that it is a spirit with nothing but the shape, or rather the
appearance, of a serpent."

"And if the spirit came gliding along the grass and hissed at you?"

"I would hold you tighter against my bosom, and set him at defiance. In
your arms Lucrezia is safe. Look! the spirit is going away. Quick, quick!
He is warning us of the approach of some profane person, and tells us to
seek some other retreat to renew our pleasures. Let us go."

We rose and slowly advanced towards Donna Cecilia and the advocate, who
were just emerging from a neighbouring alley. Without avoiding them, and
without hurrying, just as if to meet one another was a very natural
occurrence, I enquired of Donna Cecilia whether her daughter had any fear
of serpents.

"In spite of all her strength of mind," she answered, "she is dreadfully
afraid of thunder, and she will scream with terror at the sight of the
smallest snake. There are some here, but she need not be frightened, for
they are not venomous."

I was speechless with astonishment, for I discovered that I had just
witnessed a wonderful love miracle. At that moment the children came up,
and, without ceremony, we again parted company.

"Tell me, wonderful being, bewitching woman, what would you have done if,
instead of your pretty serpent, you had seen your husband and your
mother?"

"Nothing. Do you not know that, in moments of such rapture, lovers see
and feel nothing but love? Do you doubt having possessed me wholly,
entirely?"

Lucrezia, in speaking thus, was not composing a poetical ode; she was not
feigning fictitious sentiments; her looks, the sound of her voice, were
truth itself!

"Are you certain," I enquired, "that we are not suspected?"

"My husband does not believe us to be in love with each other, or else he
does not mind such trifling pleasures as youth is generally wont to
indulge in. My mother is a clever woman, and perhaps she suspects the
truth, but she is aware that it is no longer any concern of hers. As to
my sister, she must know everything, for she cannot have forgotten the
broken-down bed; but she is prudent, and besides, she has taken it into
her head to pity me. She has no conception of the nature of my feelings
towards you. If I had not met you, my beloved, I should probably have
gone through life without realizing such feelings myself; for what I feel
for my husband.... well, I have for him the obedience which my position
as a wife imposes upon me."

"And yet he is most happy, and I envy him! He can clasp in his arms all
your lovely person whenever he likes! There is no hateful veil to hide
any of your charms from his gaze."

"Oh! where art thou, my dear serpent? Come to us, come and protect us
against the surprise of the uninitiated, and this very instant I fulfil
all the wishes of him I adore!"

We passed the morning in repeating that we loved each other, and in
exchanging over and over again substantial proofs of our mutual passion.

We had a delicious dinner, during which I was all attention for the
amiable Donna Cecilia. My pretty tortoise-shell box, filled with
excellent snuff, went more than once round the table. As it happened to
be in the hands of Lucrezia who was sitting on my left, her husband told
her that, if I had no objection, she might give me her ring and keep the
snuff-box in exchange. Thinking that the ring was not of as much value as
my box, I immediately accepted, but I found the ring of greater value.
Lucrezia would not, however, listen to anything on that subject. She put
the box in her pocket, and thus compelled me to keep her ring.

Dessert was nearly over, the conversation was very animated, when
suddenly the intended husband of Angelique claimed our attention for the
reading of a sonnet which he had composed and dedicated to me. I thanked
him, and placing the sonnet in my pocket promised to write one for him.
This was not, however, what he wished; he expected that, stimulated by
emulation, I would call for paper and pen, and sacrifice to Apollo hours
which it was much more to my taste to employ in worshipping another god
whom his cold nature knew only by name. We drank coffee, I paid the bill,
and we went about rambling through the labyrinthine alleys of the Villa
Aldobrandini.

What sweet recollections that villa has left in my memory! It seemed as
if I saw my divine Lucrezia for the first time. Our looks were full of
ardent love, our hearts were beating in concert with the most tender
impatience, and a natural instinct was leading us towards a solitary
asylum which the hand of Love seemed to have prepared on purpose for the
mysteries of its secret worship. There, in the middle of a long avenue,
and under a canopy of thick foliage, we found a wide sofa made of grass,
and sheltered by a deep thicket; from that place our eyes could range
over an immense plain, and view the avenue to such a distance right and
left that we were perfectly secure against any surprise. We did not
require to exchange one word at the sight of this beautiful temple so
favourable to our love; our hearts spoke the same language.

Without a word being spoken, our ready hands soon managed to get rid of
all obstacles, and to expose in a state of nature all the beauties which
are generally veiled by troublesome wearing apparel. Two whole hours were
devoted to the most delightful, loving ecstasies. At last we exclaimed
together in mutual ecstasy, "O Love, we thank thee!"

We slowly retraced our steps towards the carriages, revelling in our
intense happiness. Lucrezia informed me that Angelique's suitor was
wealthy, that he owned a splendid villa at Tivoli, and that most likely
he would invite us all to dine and pass the night there. "I pray the god
of love," she added, "to grant us a night as beautiful as this day has
been." Then, looking sad, she said, "But alas! the ecclesiastical lawsuit
which has brought my husband to Rome is progressing so favourably that I
am mortally afraid he will obtain judgment all too soon."

The journey back to the city lasted two hours; we were alone in my
vis-a-vis and we overtaxed nature, exacting more than it can possibly
give. As we were getting near Rome we were compelled to let the curtain
fall before the denouement of the drama which we had performed to the
complete satisfaction of the actors.

I returned home rather fatigued, but the sound sleep which was so natural
at my age restored my full vigour, and in the morning I took my French
lesson at the usual hour.




CHAPTER X

Benedict XIV--Excursion to Tivoli--Departure of Lucrezia--
The Marchioness G.--Barbara Dalacqua--My Misfortunes--
I Leave Rome

M. Dalacqua being very ill, his daughter Barbara gave me my lesson. When
it was over, she seized an opportunity of slipping a letter into my
pocket, and immediately disappeared, so that I had no chance of refusing.
The letter was addressed to me, and expressed feelings of the warmest
gratitude. She only desired me to inform her lover that her father had
spoken to her again, and that most likely he would engage a new servant
as soon as he had recovered from his illness, and she concluded her
letter by assuring me that she never would implicate me in this business.

Her father was compelled to keep his bed for a fortnight, and Barbara
continued to give me my lesson every day. I felt for her an interest
which, from me towards a young and pretty girl, was, indeed, quite a new
sentiment. It was a feeling of pity, and I was proud of being able to
help and comfort her. Her eyes never rested upon mine, her hand never met
mine, I never saw in her toilet the slightest wish to please me. She was
very pretty, and I knew she had a tender, loving nature; but nothing
interfered with the respect and the regard which I was bound in honour
and in good faith to feel towards her, and I was proud to remark that she
never thought me capable of taking advantage of her weakness or of her
position.

When the father had recovered he dismissed his servant and engaged
another. Barbara entreated me to inform her friend of the circumstance,
and likewise of her hope to gain the new servant to their interests, at
least sufficiently to secure the possibility of carrying on some
correspondence. I promised to do so, and as a mark of her gratitude she
took my hand to carry it to her lips, but quickly withdrawing it I tried
to kiss her; she turned her face away, blushing deeply. I was much
pleased with her modesty.

Barbara having succeeded in gaining the new servant over, I had nothing
more to do with the intrigue, and I was very glad of it, for I knew my
interference might have brought evil on my own head. Unfortunately, it
was already too late.

I seldom visited Don Gaspar; the study of the French language took up all
my mornings, and it was only in the morning that I could see him; but I
called every evening upon Father Georgi, and, although I went to him only
as one of his 'proteges', it gave me some reputation. I seldom spoke
before his guests, yet I never felt weary, for in his circle his friends
would criticise without slandering, discuss politics without
stubbornness, literature without passion, and I profited by all. After my
visit to the sagacious monk, I used to attend the assembly of the
cardinal, my master, as a matter of duty. Almost every evening, when she
happened to see me at her card-table, the beautiful marchioness would
address to me a few gracious words in French, and I always answered in
Italian, not caring to make her laugh before so many persons. My feelings
for her were of a singular kind. I must leave them to the analysis of the
reader. I thought that woman charming, yet I avoided her; it was not
because I was afraid of falling in love with her; I loved Lucrezia, and I
firmly believed that such an affection was a shield against any other
attachment, but it was because I feared that she might love me or have a
passing fancy for me. Was it self-conceit or modesty, vice or virtue?
Perhaps neither one nor the other.

One evening she desired the Abbe Gama to call me to her; she was standing
near the cardinal, my patron, and the moment I approached her she caused
me a strange feeling of surprise by asking me in Italian a question which
I was far from anticipating:

"How did you like Frascati?"

"Very much, madam; I have never seen such a beautiful place."

"But your company was still more beautiful, and your vis-a-vis was very
smart."

I only bowed low to the marchioness, and a moment after Cardinal
Acquaviva said to me, kindly,

"You are astonished at your adventure being known?"

"No, my lord; but I am surprised that people should talk of it. I could
not have believed Rome to be so much like a small village."

"The longer you live in Rome," said his eminence, "the more you will find
it so. You have not yet presented yourself to kiss the foot of our Holy
Father?"

"Not yet, my lord."

"Then you must do so."

I bowed in compliance to his wishes.

The Abbe Gama told me to present myself to the Pope on the morrow, and he
added,

"Of course you have already shewn yourself in the Marchioness G.'s
palace?"

"No, I have never been there."

"You astonish me; but she often speaks to you!"

"I have no objection to go with you."

"I never visit at her palace."

"Yet she speaks to you likewise."

"Yes, but.... You do not know Rome; go alone; believe me, you ought to
go."

"Will she receive me?"

"You are joking, I suppose. Of course it is out of the question for you
to be announced. You will call when the doors are wide open to everybody.
You will meet there all those who pay homage to her."

"Will she see me?"

"No doubt of it."

On the following day I proceeded to Monte-Cavallo, and I was at once led
into the room where the Pope was alone. I threw myself on my knees and
kissed the holy cross on his most holy slipper. The Pope enquiring who I
was, I told him, and he answered that he knew me, congratulating me upon
my being in the service of so eminent a cardinal. He asked me how I had
succeeded in gaining the cardinal's favour; I answered with a faithful
recital of my adventures from my arrival at Martorano. He laughed
heartily at all I said respecting the poor and worthy bishop, and
remarked that, instead of trying to address him in Tuscan, I could speak
in the Venetian dialect, as he was himself speaking to me in the dialect
of Bologna. I felt quite at my ease with him, and I told him so much news
and amused him so well that the Holy Father kindly said that he would be
glad to see me whenever I presented myself at Monte-Cavallo. I begged his
permission to read all forbidden books, and he granted it with his
blessing, saying that I should have the permission in writing, but he
forgot it.