The Memoires of Casanova, Complete

J >> Jacques Casanova de Seingalt >> The Memoires of Casanova, Complete


I went to bed, and in the morning, after ten hours of the most profound
sleep, the housekeeper, who had been watching for my awakening, brought
me some coffee. I thought her a charming woman, but, alas! I was not in a
fit state to prove to her the high estimation in which I held her beauty.

Entertaining feelings of gratitude for my kind host, and disposed to
listen attentively to his poem, I dismissed all sadness, and I paid his
poetry such compliments that he was delighted, and, finding me much more
talented than he had judged me to be at first, he insisted upon treating
me to a reading of his idylls, and I had to swallow them, bearing the
infliction cheerfully. The day passed off very agreeably; the housekeeper
surrounded me with the kindest attentions--a proof that she was smitten
with me; and, giving way to that pleasing idea, I felt that, by a very
natural system of reciprocity, she had made my conquest. The good priest
thought that the day had passed like lightning, thanks to all the
beauties I had discovered in his poetry, which, to speak the truth, was
below mediocrity, but time seemed to me to drag along very slowly,
because the friendly glances of the housekeeper made me long for bedtime,
in spite of the miserable condition in which I felt myself morally and
physically. But such was my nature; I abandoned myself to joy and
happiness, when, had I been more reasonable, I ought to have sunk under
my grief and sadness.

But the golden time came at last. I found the pretty housekeeper full of
compliance, but only up to a certain point, and as she offered some
resistance when I shewed myself disposed to pay a full homage to her
charms, I quietly gave up the undertaking, very well pleased for both of
us that it had not been carried any further, and I sought my couch in
peace. But I had not seen the end of the adventure, for the next morning,
when she brought my coffee, her pretty, enticing manners allured me to
bestow a few loving caresses upon her, and if she did not abandon herself
entirely, it was only, as she said, because she was afraid of some
surprise. The day passed off very pleasantly with the good priest, and at
night, the house-keeper no longer fearing detection, and I having on my
side taken every precaution necessary in the state in which I was, we
passed two most delicious hours. I left Orsara the next morning.

Friar Stephano amused me all day with his talk, which plainly showed me
his ignorance combined with knavery under the veil of simplicity. He made
me look at the alms he had received in Orsara--bread, wine, cheese,
sausages, preserves, and chocolate; every nook and cranny of his holy
garment was full of provisions.

"Have you received money likewise?" I enquired.

"God forbid! In the first place, our glorious order does not permit me to
touch money, and, in the second place, were I to be foolish enough to
receive any when I am begging, people would think themselves quit of me
with one or two sous, whilst they dive me ten times as much in eatables.
Believe me Saint-Francis, was a very judicious man."

I bethought myself that what this monk called wealth would be poverty to
me. He offered to share with me, and seemed very proud at my consenting
to honour him so far.

The tartan touched at the harbour of Pola, called Veruda, and we landed.
After a walk up hill of nearly a quarter of an hour, we entered the city,
and I devoted a couple of hours to visiting the Roman antiquities, which
are numerous, the town having been the metropolis of the empire. Yet I
saw no other trace of grand buildings except the ruins of the arena. We
returned to Veruda, and went again to sea. On the following day we
sighted Ancona, but the wind being against us we were compelled to tack
about, and we did not reach the port till the second day. The harbour of
Ancona, although considered one of the great works of Trajan, would be
very unsafe if it were not for a causeway which has cost a great deal of
money, and which makes it some what better. I observed a fact worthy of
notice, namely, that, in the Adriatic, the northern coast has many
harbours, while the opposite coast can only boast of one or two. It is
evident that the sea is retiring by degrees towards the east, and that in
three or four more centuries Venice must be joined to the land. We landed
at the old lazzaretto, where we received the pleasant information that we
would go through a quarantine of twenty-eight days, because Venice had
admitted, after a quarantine of three months, the crew of two ships from
Messina, where the plague had recently been raging. I requested a room
for myself and for Brother Stephano, who thanked me very heartily. I
hired from a Jew a bed, a table and a few chairs, promising to pay for
the hire at the expiration of our quarantine. The monk would have nothing
but straw. If he had guessed that without him I might have starved, he
would most likely not have felt so much vanity at sharing my room. A
sailor, expecting to find in me a generous customer, came to enquire
where my trunk was, and, hearing from me that I did not know, he, as well
as Captain Alban, went to a great deal of trouble to find it, and I could
hardly keep down my merriment when the captain called, begging to be
excused for having left it behind, and assuring me that he would take
care to forward it to me in less than three weeks.

The friar, who had to remain with me four weeks, expected to live at my
expense, while, on the contrary, he had been sent by Providence to keep
me. He had provisions enough for one week, but it was necessary to think
of the future.

After supper, I drew a most affecting picture of my position, shewing
that I should be in need of everything until my arrival at Rome, where I
was going, I said, to fill the post of secretary of memorials, and my
astonishment may be imagined when I saw the blockhead delighted at the
recital of my misfortunes.

"I undertake to take care of you until we reach Rome; only tell me
whether you can write."

"What a question! Are you joking?"

"Why should I? Look at me; I cannot write anything but my name. True, I
can write it with either hand; and what else do I want to know?"

"You astonish me greatly, for I thought you were a priest."

"I am a monk; I say the mass, and, as a matter of course, I must know how
to read. Saint-Francis, whose unworthy son I am, could not read, an that
is the reason why he never said a mass. But as you can write, you will
to-morrow pen a letter in my name to the persons whose names I will give
you, and I warrant you we shall have enough sent here to live like
fighting cocks all through our quarantine."

The next day he made me write eight letters, because, in the oral
tradition of his order, it is said that, when a monk has knocked at seven
doors and has met with a refusal at every one of them, he must apply to
the eighth with perfect confidence, because there he is certain of
receiving alms. As he had already performed the pilgrimage to Rome, he
knew every person in Ancona devoted to the cult of Saint-Francis, and was
acquainted with the superiors of all the rich convents. I had to write to
every person he named, and to set down all the lies he dictated to me. He
likewise made me sign the letters for him, saying, that, if he signed
himself, his correspondents would see that the letters had not been
written by him, which would injure him, for, he added, in this age of
corruption, people will esteem only learned men. He compelled me to fill
the letters with Latin passages and quotations, even those addressed to
ladies, and I remonstrated in vain, for, when I raised any objection, he
threatened to leave me without anything to eat. I made up my mind to do
exactly as he wished. He desired me to write to the superior of the
Jesuits that he would not apply to the Capuchins, because they were no
better than atheists, and that that was the reason of the great dislike
of Saint-Francis for them. It was in vain that I reminded him of the fact
that, in the time of Saint-Francis, there were neither Capuchins nor
Recollets. His answer was that I had proved myself an ignoramus. I firmly
believed that he would be thought a madman, and that we should not
receive anything, but I was mistaken, for such a quantity of provisions
came pouring in that I was amazed. Wine was sent from three or four
different quarters, more than enough for us during all our stay, and yet
I drank nothing but water, so great was my wish to recover my health. As
for eatables, enough was sent in every day for six persons; we gave all
our surplus to our keeper, who had a large family. But the monk felt no
gratitude for the kind souls who bestowed their charity upon him; all his
thanks were reserved for Saint-Francis.

He undertook to have my men washed by the keeper; I would not have dared
to give it myself, and he said that he had nothing to fear, as everybody
was well aware that the monks of his order never wear any kind of linen.

I kept myself in bed nearly all day, and thus avoided shewing myself to
visitors. The persons who did not come wrote letters full of
incongruities cleverly worded, which I took good care not to point out to
him. It was with great difficulty that I tried to persuade him that those
letters did not require any answer.

A fortnight of repose and severe diet brought me round towards complete
recovery, and I began to walk in the yard of the lazzaretto from morning
till night; but the arrival of a Turk from Thessalonia with his family
compelled me to suspend my walks, the ground-floor having been given to
him. The only pleasure left me was to spend my time on the balcony
overlooking the yard. I soon saw a Greek slave, a girl of dazzling
beauty, for whom I felt the deepest interest. She was in the habit of
spending the whole day sitting near the door with a book or some
embroidery in her hand. If she happened to raise her eyes and to meet
mine, she modestly bent her head down, and sometimes she rose and went in
slowly, as if she meant to say, "I did not know that somebody was looking
at me." Her figure was tall and slender, her features proclaimed her to
be very young; she had a very fair complexion, with beautiful black hair
and eyes. She wore the Greek costume, which gave her person a certain air
of very exciting voluptuousness.

I was perfectly idle, and with the temperament which nature and habit had
given me, was it likely that I could feast my eyes constantly upon such a
charming object without falling desperately in love? I had heard her
conversing in Lingua Franca with her master, a fine old man, who, like
her, felt very weary of the quarantine, and used to come out but seldom,
smoking his pipe, and remaining in the yard only a short time. I felt a
great temptation to address a few words to the beautiful girl, but I was
afraid she might run away and never come out again; however, unable to
control myself any longer, I determined to write to her; I had no
difficulty in conveying the letter, as I had only to let it fall from my
balcony. But she might have refused to pick it up, and this is the plan I
adopted in order not to risk any unpleasant result.

Availing myself of a moment during which she was alone in the yard, I
dropped from my balcony a small piece of paper folded like a letter, but
I had taken care not to write anything on it, and held the true letter in
my hand. As soon as I saw her stooping down to pick up the first, I
quickly let the second drop at her feet, and she put both into her
pocket. A few minutes afterwards she left the yard. My letter was
somewhat to this effect:

"Beautiful angel from the East, I worship you. I will remain all night on
this balcony in the hope that you will come to me for a quarter of an
hour, and listen to my voice through the hole under my feet. We can speak
softly, and in order to hear me you can climb up to the top of the bale
of goods which lies beneath the same hole."

I begged from my keeper not to lock me in as he did every night, and he
consented on condition that he would watch me, for if I had jumped down
in the yard his life might have been the penalty, and he promised not to
disturb me on the balcony.

At midnight, as I was beginning to give her up, she came forward. I then
laid myself flat on the floor of the balcony, and I placed my head
against the hole, about six inches square. I saw her jump on the bale,
and her head reached within a foot from the balcony. She was compelled to
steady herself with one hand against the wall for fear of falling, and in
that position we talked of love, of ardent desires, of obstacles, of
impossibilities, and of cunning artifices. I told her the reason for
which I dared not jump down in the yard, and she observed that, even
without that reason, it would bring ruin upon us, as it would be
impossible to come up again, and that, besides, God alone knew what her
master would do if he were to find us together. Then, promising to visit
me in this way every night, she passed her hand through the hole. Alas! I
could not leave off kissing it, for I thought that I had never in my life
touched so soft, so delicate a hand. But what bliss when she begged for
mine! I quickly thrust my arm through the hole, so that she could fasten
her lips to the bend of the elbow. How many sweet liberties my hand
ventured to take! But we were at last compelled by prudence to separate,
and when I returned to my room I saw with great pleasure that the keeper
was fast asleep.

Although I was delighted at having obtained every favour I could possibly
wish for in the uncomfortable position we had been in, I racked my brain
to contrive the means of securing more complete enjoyment for the
following night, but I found during the afternoon that the feminine
cunning of my beautiful Greek was more fertile than mine.

Being alone in the yard with her master, she said a few words to him in
Turkish, to which he seemed to give his approval, and soon after a
servant, assisted by the keeper, brought under the balcony a large basket
of goods. She overlooked the arrangement, and in order to secure the
basket better, she made the servant place a bale of cotton across two
others. Guessing at her purpose, I fairly leaped for joy, for she had
found the way of raising herself two feet higher; but I thought that she
would then find herself in the most inconvenient position, and that,
forced to bend double, she would not be able to resist the fatigue. The
hole was not wide enough for her head to pass through, otherwise she
might have stood erect and been comfortable. It was necessary at all
events to guard against that difficulty; the only way was to tear out one
of the planks of the floor of the balcony, but it was not an easy
undertaking. Yet I decided upon attempting it, regardless of
consequences; and I went to my room to provide myself with a large pair
of pincers. Luckily the keeper was absent, and availing myself of the
opportunity, I succeeded in dragging out carefully the four large nails
which fastened the plank. Finding that I could lift it at my will, I
replaced the pincers, and waited for the night with amorous impatience.

The darling girl came exactly at midnight, noticing the difficulty she
experienced in climbing up, and in getting a footing upon the third bale
of cotton, I lifted the plank, and, extending my arm as far as I could, I
offered her a steady point of support. She stood straight, and found
herself agreeably surprised, for she could pass her head and her arms
through the hole. We wasted no time in empty compliments; we only
congratulated each other upon having both worked for the same purpose.

If, the night before, I had found myself master of her person more than
she was of mine, this time the position was entirely reversed. Her hand
roamed freely over every part of my body, but I had to stop half-way down
hers. She cursed the man who had packed the bale for not having made it
half a foot bigger, so as to get nearer to me. Very likely even that
would not have satisfied us, but she would have felt happier.

Our pleasures were barren, yet we kept up our enjoyment until the first
streak of light. I put back the plank carefully, and I lay down in my bed
in great need of recruiting my strength.

My dear mistress had informed me that the Turkish Bairam began that very
morning, and would last three days during which it would be impossible
for her to see me.

The night after Bairam, she did not fail to make her appearance, and,
saying that she could not be happy without me, she told me that, as she
was a Christian woman, I could buy her, if I waited for her after leaving
the lazzaretto. I was compelled to tell her that I did not possess the
means of doing so, and my confession made her sigh. On the following
night, she informed me that her master would sell her for two thousand
piasters, that she would give me the amount, that she was yet a virgin,
and that I would be pleased with my bargain. She added that she would
give me a casket full of diamonds, one of which was alone worth two
thousand piasters, and that the sale of the others would place us beyond
the reach of poverty for the remainder of our life. She assured me that
her master would not notice the loss of the casket, and that, if he did,
he would never think of accusing her.

I was in love with this girl; and her proposal made me uncomfortable, but
when I woke in the morning I did not hesitate any longer. She brought the
casket in the evening, but I told her that I never could make up my mind
to be accessory to a robbery; she was very unhappy, and said that my love
was not as deep as her own, but that she could not help admiring me for
being so good a Christian.

This was the last night; probably we should never meet again. The flame
of passion consumed us. She proposed that I should lift her up to the
balcony through the open space. Where is the lover who would have
objected to so attractive a proposal? I rose, and without being a Milo, I
placed my hands under her arms, I drew her up towards me, and my desires
are on the point of being fulfilled. Suddenly I feel two hands upon my
shoulders, and the voice of the keeper exclaims, "What are you about?" I
let my precious burden drop; she regains her chamber, and I, giving vent
to my rage, throw myself flat on the floor of the balcony, and remain
there without a movement, in spite of the shaking of the keeper whom I
was sorely tempted to strangle. At last I rose from the floor and went to
bed without uttering one word, and not even caring to replace the plank.

In the morning, the governor informed us that we were free. As I left the
lazzaretto, with a breaking heart, I caught a glimpse of the Greek slave
drowned in tears.

I agreed to meet Friar Stephano at the exchange, and I took the Jew from
whom I had hired the furniture, to the convent of the Minims, where I
received from Father Lazari ten sequins and the address of the bishop,
who, after performing quarantine on the frontiers of Tuscany, had
proceeded to Rome, where he would expect me to meet him.

I paid the Jew, and made a poor dinner at an inn. As I was leaving it to
join the monk, I was so unlucky as to meet Captain Alban, who reproached
me bitterly for having led him to believe that my trunk had been left
behind. I contrived to appease his anger by telling him all my
misfortunes, and I signed a paper in which I declared that I had no claim
whatever upon him. I then purchased a pair of shoes and an overcoat, and
met Stephano, whom I informed of my decision to make a pilgrimage to Our
Lady of Loretto. I said I would await there for him, and that we would
afterwards travel together as far as Rome. He answered that he did not
wish to go through Loretto, and that I would repent of my contempt for
the grace of Saint-Francis. I did not alter my mind, and I left for
Loretto the next day in the enjoyment of perfect health.

I reached the Holy City, tired almost to death, for it was the first time
in my life that I had walked fifteen miles, drinking nothing but water,
although the weather was very warm, because the dry wine used in that
part of the country parched me too much. I must observe that, in spite of
my poverty, I did not look like a beggar.

As I was entering the city, I saw coming towards me an elderly priest of
very respectable appearance, and, as he was evidently taking notice of
me, as soon as he drew near, I saluted him, and enquired where I could
find a comfortable inn. "I cannot doubt," he said, "that a person like
you, travelling on foot, must come here from devout motives; come with
me." He turned back, I followed him, and he took me to a fine-looking
house. After whispering a few words to a man who appeared to be a
steward, he left me saying, very affably, "You shall be well attended
to."

My first impression was that I had been mistaken for some other person,
but I said nothing.

I was led to a suite of three rooms; the chamber was decorated with
damask hangings, the bedstead had a canopy, and the table was supplied
with all materials necessary for writing. A servant brought me a light
dressing-gown, and another came in with linen and a large tub full of
water, which he placed before me; my shoes and stockings were taken off,
and my feet washed. A very decent-looking woman, followed by a servant
girl, came in a few minutes after, and curtsying very low, she proceeded
to make my bed. At that moment the Angelus bell was heard; everyone knelt
down, and I followed their example. After the prayer, a small table was
neatly laid out, I was asked what sort of wine I wished to drink, and I
was provided with newspapers and two silver candlesticks. An hour
afterwards I had a delicious fish supper, and, before I retired to bed, a
servant came to enquire whether I would take chocolate in the morning
before or after mass.

As soon as I was in bed, the servant brought me a night-lamp with a dial,
and I remained alone. Except in France I have never had such a good bed
as I had that night. It would have cured the most chronic insomnia, but I
was not labouring under such a disease, and I slept for ten hours.

This sort of treatment easily led me to believe that I was not in any
kind of hostelry; but where was I? How was I to suppose that I was in a
hospital?

When I had taken my chocolate, a hair-dresser--quite a fashionable,
dapper fellow--made his appearance, dying to give vent to his chattering
propensities. Guessing that I did not wish to be shaved, he offered to
clip my soft down with the scissors, saying that I would look younger.

"Why do you suppose that I want to conceal my age?"

"It is very natural, because, if your lordship did not wish to do so,
your lordship would have shaved long ago. Countess Marcolini is here;
does your lordship know her? I must go to her at noon to dress her hair."

I did not feel interested in the Countess Marcolini, and, seeing it, the
gossip changed the subject.

"Is this your lordship's first visit to this house? It is the finest
hospital throughout the papal states."

"I quite agree with you, and I shall compliment His Holiness on the
establishment."

"Oh! His Holiness knows all about it, he resided here before he became
pope. If Monsignor Caraffa had not been well acquainted with you, he
would not have introduced you here."

Such is the use of barbers throughout Europe; but you must not put any
questions to them, for, if you do, they are sure to threat you to an
impudent mixture of truth and falsehood, and instead of you pumping them,
they will worm everything out of you.

Thinking that it was my duty to present my respectful compliments to
Monsignor Caraffa, I desired to be taken to his apartment. He gave me a
pleasant welcome, shewed me his library, and entrusted me to the care of
one of his abbes, a man of parts, who acted as my cicerone every where.
Twenty years afterwards, this same abbe was of great service to me in
Rome, and, if still alive, he is a canon of St. John Lateran.

On the following day, I took the communion in the Santa-Casa. The third
day was entirely employed in examining the exterior of this truly
wonderful sanctuary, and early the next day I resumed my journey, having
spent nothing except three paoli for the barber. Halfway to Macerata, I
overtook Brother Stephano walking on at a very slow rate. He was
delighted to see me again, and told me that he had left Ancona two hours
after me, but that he never walked more than three miles a day, being
quite satisfied to take two months for a journey which, even on foot, can
easily be accomplished in a week. "I want," he said, "to reach Rome
without fatigue and in good health. I am in no hurry, and if you feel
disposed to travel with me and in the same quiet way, Saint-Francis will
not find it difficult to keep us both during the journey."

This lazy fellow was a man about thirty, red-haired, very strong and
healthy; a true peasant who had turned himself into a monk only for the
sake of living in idle comfort. I answered that, as I was in a hurry to
reach Rome, I could not be his travelling companion.