The Memoires of Casanova, Complete

J >> Jacques Casanova de Seingalt >> The Memoires of Casanova, Complete


"In the meanwhile," said he, "you can use the cards on the table, which
are as good as new."

"I want them new, not as good as new. I have my prejudices, and they are
so strong as to be invincible. In the meanwhile I shall remain a
spectator, though I am sorry to keep the ladies waiting."

Nobody dared say a word, and I rose, after replacing my money in my
cash-box. The Marquis de Prie took the bank, and played splendidly. I
stood beside Madame Zeroli, who made me her partner, and gave me five or
six Louis the next day. The messenger who was to be back soon did not
return till midnight, and I thanked my stars for the escape I had had,
for in such a place, full of professional gamesters, there are people
whose eyes are considerably sharper than a lynx's. I put the money back
in my room, and proceeded on my usual way.

I found my fair nun in bed, and asked her,

"How do you feel to-day, madam?"

"Say daughter, that name is so sweet to me that I would you were my
father that I might clasp you in my arms without fearing anyone."

"Well, my dear daughter, do not fear anything, but open your arms to me."

"I will; we will embrace one another."

"My little ones are prettier than they were yesterday let me suck them."

"You silly papa, you are drinking your daughter's milk."

"It is so sweet, darling, and the little drop I tasted has made me feel
so happy. You cannot be angry at my enjoying this harmless privilege."

"Of course I am not angry; you delighted me. But I shall have to call you
baby, not papa."

"How glad I am to find you in better spirits to-night!"

"You have 'given me back my happiness, and I feel at peace once more. The
country-woman told me that in a few days I should be just the same as if
I had never seen Coudert."

"That is not quite true; how about your stomach, for instance?"

"Be quiet; you can't know anything about such things, and I am quite
astonished myself."

"Let me see."

"Oh, no; you mustn't see, but you may feel."

"All right."

"Oh! please don't go there."

"Why not? You can't be made differently from your sister, who would be
now about thirty. I want to shew you her portrait naked."

"Have you got it with you? I should so like to see it."

I drew it out and gave it to her. She admired it, kissed it, and asked me
if the painter had followed nature in all respects.

"Certainly," said I. "She knew that such a picture would give me
pleasure."

"It is very fine. It is more like me than the other picture. But I
suppose the long hair is only put in to please you?"

"Not at all. Italian nuns are allowed to wear their hair as long as they
please, provided they do not shew it.

"We have the same privilege. Our hair is cut once, and then we may let it
grow as long as we like."

"Then you have long hair?"

"As long as in the picture; but you would not like my hair as it is
black."

"Why, black is my favourite colour. In the name of God, let me see it."

"You ask me in God's name to commit a sin; I shall incur another
excommunication, but I cannot refuse you anything. You shall see my hair
after supper, as I don't want to scandalize the countrywoman."

"You are right; I think you are the sweetest of your sex. I shall die of
grief when you leave this cottage to return to your sad prison."

"I must indeed return and do penance for my sins."

"I hope you have the wit to laugh at the abbess's silly
excommunications?"

"I begin not to dread them so much as I used to."

"I am delighted to hear it, as I see you will make me perfectly happy
after supper."

The country-woman came up, and I gave her another ten louis; but it
suddenly dawned upon me that she took me for a madman. To disabuse her of
this idea I told her that I was very rich, and that I wanted to make her
understand that I could not give her enough to testify my gratitude to
her for the care she had taken of the good nun. She wept, kissed my hand,
and served us a delicious supper. The nun ate well and drank
indifferently, but I was in too great a hurry to see the beautiful black
hair of this victim to her goodness of heart, and I could not follow her
example. The one appetite drove out the other.

As soon as we were relieved of the country-woman's presence, she removed
her hood, and let a mass of ebon hair fall upon her alabaster shoulders,
making a truly ravishing contrast. She put the portrait before her, and
proceeded to arrange her hair like the first M---- M----.

"You are handsomer than your sister," said I, "but I think she was more
affectionate than you."

"She may have been more affectionate, but she had not a better heart."

"She was much more amorous than you."

"I daresay; I have never been in love."

"That is strange; how about your nature and the impulse of the senses?"

"We arrange all that easily at the convent. We accuse ourselves to the
confessor, for we know it is a sin, but he treats it as a childish fault,
and absolves us without imposing any penances."

"He knows human nature, and makes allowances for your sad position."

"He is an old man, very learned, and of ascetic habits, but he is all
indulgence. It will be a sad day when we lose him."

"But in your amorous combats with another nun, don't you feel as if you
would like her to change into a man?"

"You make me laugh. To be sure, if my sweetheart became a man I should
not be sorry, but we do not desire such a miracle."

"That is, perhaps, through a coldness of temperament. In that your sister
was better, for she liked me much more than C---- C----, and you do not
like me as well as the sweetheart you left behind you at the convent."

"Certainly not, for with you I should violate my own chastity and expose
myself to consequences I tremble to think of."

"You do not love me, then?"

"What are you saying? I adore you, and I am very sorry you are not a
woman."

"I love you too, but your desire makes me laugh; for I would rather not
be turned into a woman to please you, especially as I expect I should not
think you nearly as beautiful. Sit down, my dear, and let me see your
fine hair flowing over your beautiful body."

"Do you want me to take off my chemise?"

"Of course; how handsome you look without it. Let me suck your pretty
breasts, as I am your baby."

She granted me this privilege, and looking at me with a face full of
pleasure, she allowed me to press her naked body to my breast, not
seeing, or pretending not to see, the acuteness of my enjoyment. She then
said,

"If such delights as these were allowed friendship, I should say it is
better than love; for I have never experienced so great pleasure as when
you put your lips to my bosom. Let me do the same to you."

"I wish you could, but you will find nothing there."

"Never mind; it will amuse us."

After she had fulfilled her desire, we spent a quarter of an hour in
mutual embraces, and my excitement was more than I could bear.

"Tell me truly," said I, "amidst our kisses, amidst these ecstacies which
we call child-like, do you not feel a desire for something more?"

"I confess that I do, but such desires are sinful; and as I am sure that
your passions are as high as mine, I think we had better stop our
agreeable employment; for, papa dear, our friendship is becoming burning
love, is it not?"

"Yes, love, and love that cannot be overcome."

"I know it."

"If you know it, let us perform to love the sweetest of all sacrifices."

"No, no; on the contrary, let us stop and be more prudent in the future,
lest we become the victims of love. If you love me, you should say so
too."

With these words she slipped gently from my arms, put back her beautiful
hair under her cap, and when I had helped her on with her chemise, the
coarseness of which horrified me, I told her she might calm herself. I
told her how sorry I felt to see her delicate body frayed by so coarse a
stuff, and she told me it was of the usual material, and that all the
nuns wore chemises of the same kind.

My mind was in a state of consternation, for the constraint I had imposed
on myself seemed much greater than the utmost pleasure I could have
gained. I neither determined on persevering in nor on abandoning the
pursuit; all I wanted was to be sure that I should not encounter the
least resistance. A folded rose-leaf spoilt the repose of the famous
Smindyrides, who loved a soft bed. I preferred, therefore, to go away,
than to risk finding the rose-leaf which troubled the voluptuous
Sybarite. I left the cottage in love and unhappy, and as I did not go to
bed till two o'clock in the morning I slept till mid-day.

When I woke up Le Duc gave me a note which he should have given me the
night before. He had forgotten it, and I was not sorry. The note came
from Madame Zeroli, who said she would expect me at nine o'clock in the
morning, as she would be alone. She told me that she was going to give a
supper-party, that she was sure I would come, and that as she was leaving
Aix directly after, she counted on my coming too--at any rate, as far as
Chamberi. Although I still liked her, her pretensions made me laugh. It
was too late now to be with her at nine, I could not go to her
supper-party because of my fair nun, whom I would not have left just then
for the seraglio of the Grand Turk; and it was impossible for me to
accompany her to Chamberi, as when I came back I might no longer find the
only object which kept me at Aix.

However, as soon as I had finished dressing, I went to see her and found
her furious. I excused myself by saying that I had only had her letter
for an hour, but she went away without giving me time to tell her that I
could not sup with her or go to Chamberi with her. She scowled at me at
table, and when the meal was over the Marquis de Prie told me that they
had some new cards, and that everybody was longing to see me make a bank.
I went for my money, and I made a bank of five hundred louis. At seven
o'clock I had lost more than half that sum, but for all that I put the
rest in my pocket and rose from the table.

After a sad glance in the direction of Madame Zeroli I went to the
cottage, where I found my angel in a large new bed, with a small but
pretty bed beside it which was meant for me. I laughed at the incongruity
of these pieces of furniture with our surroundings, but by way of
thanking the thoughtful country-woman I drew fifty louis from my purse
and gave them to her, telling her it was for the remainder of the time
the lady was with her, and I told her to spend no more money in
furniture.

This was done in true gamester fashion. I had lost nearly three hundred
louis, but I had risked more than five hundred, and I looked on the
difference as pure profit. If I had gained as much as I had lost I should
probably have contented myself with giving her ten louis, but I fancied I
was losing the fifty louis on a card. I have always liked spending money,
but I have never been careless with it except in gaming.

I was in an ecstasy to see the face of my M---- M---- light up with delight
and astonishment.

"You must be very rich," said she.

"Don't think it, dearest, but I love you passionately; and not being able
to give you anything by reason of your unfortunate vow of poverty, I
lavish what I possess on this worthy woman, to induce her to spare
nothing for your comfort while you are here. Perhaps, too--though it is
not a definite thought--I hope that it will make you love me more."

"How can I love you more than I do? The only thing that makes me unhappy
is the idea of returning to the convent."

"But you told me yesterday that it was exactly that idea which made you
happy."

"I have changed my mind since yesterday. I passed a cruel night, for as
soon as I fell asleep I was in your arms, and I awoke again and again on
the point of consummating the greatest of crimes."

"You did not go through such a struggle before committing the same crime
with a man you did--not love."

"It is exactly because I did not love him that my sin struck me as
venial. Do you understand what I mean?"

"It's a piece of superstitious metaphysics, but I understand you
perfectly."

"You have made me happy, and I feel very grateful to you, and I feel glad
and certain of conquering when I reflect that your situation is different
to mine."

"I will not dispute it with you, although I am sorry for what you say."

"Why?"

"Because you think yourself in duty bound to refuse caresses which would
not hurt you, and which would give me new life and happiness."

"I have thought it over."

"Are you weeping?"

"Yes, and what is more, these tears are dear to me."

"I do not understand."

"I have two favours to ask of you."

"Say on, and be sure you will obtain what you ask."




CHAPTER XXI

End of My Adventure with the Nun from Chamberi--My Flight
from Aix

"Yesterday," said the charming nun, "you left in my hands the two
portraits of my Venetian sister. I want you to give them to me."

"They are yours."

"I thank you. My second favour is, that you will be good enough to take
my portrait in exchange; you shall have it to-morrow."

"I shall be delighted. It will be the most precious of all my jewels, but
I wonder how you can ask me to take it as a favour, whereas you are doing
me a favour I should never have dared to demand. How shall I make myself
worthy of giving you my portrait?"

"Ah, dearest! it would be a dear possession, but God preserve me from
having it at the convent!"

"I will get myself painted under the costume of St. Louis of Gonzaga, or
St. Anthony of Padua."

"I shall be damned eternally."

"We will say no more about it."

She had on a dimity corset, trimmed with red ribbon, and a cambric
chemise. I was surprised, but politeness did not allow me to ask where
they came from, so I contented myself with staring at them. She guessed
my thoughts, and said, smilingly, that it was a present from the
countrywoman.

"Seeing her fortune made, the worthy woman tries every possible way to
convince her benefactor that she is grateful to him. Look at the bed; she
was certainly thinking of you, and look at these fine materials. I
confess I enjoy their softness extremely. I shall sleep better to-night
if I am not plagued by those seductive dreams which tormented me last
night."

"Do you think that the bed and the fine linen will deliver you from the
dreams you fear?"

"No doubt they will have a contrary effect, for softness irritates the
passions. I shall leave everything with the good woman. I do not know
what they would say if I took them with me to the convent."

"You are not so comfortable there?"

"Oh, no! A straw bed, a couple of blankets, and sometimes, as a great
favour, a thin mattress and two coarse sheets. But you seem sad; you were
so happy yesterday."

"How can I be happy when I can no longer toy with you without making you
unhappy."

"You should have said without giving me the greatest delight."

"Then will you consent to receive pleasure in return for that which you
give me?"

"But yours is innocent and mine is not."

"What would you do, then, if mine and yours were the same?"

"You might have made me wretched yesterday, for I could not have refused
you anything."

"Why wretched? You would have had none of those dreams, but would have
enjoyed a quiet night. I am very sorry the peasant woman has given you
that corset, as otherwise I might at least have seen my little pets
without fear of bad dreams."

"But you must not be angry with the good woman, for she knows that a
corset is easy to unlace. And I cannot bear to see you sad."

With these words she turned her ardent gaze upon me, and I covered her
with kisses which she returned with interest. The country-woman came up
to lay the pretty new table, just as I was taking off her corset without
her offering the least resistance.

This good omen put me in high spirits, but as I looked at her I saw a
shadow passing across her face. I took care not to ask her the reason,
for I guessed what was the matter, and I did not wish to discuss those
vows which religion and honour should have made inviolable. To distract
her mind from these thoughts, I made her eat by the example I set, and
she drank the excellent claret with as much pleasure as I, not thinking
that as she was not used to it it would put her in a frame of mind not
favourable to continence. But she did not notice this, for her gaiety
made her look prettier than before, and aroused her passions.

When we were alone I congratulated her on her high spirits, telling her
that my sadness had fled before her gaiety, and that the hours I could
spend with her would be all too short.

"I should be blithe," said she, "if it were only to please you."

"Then grant me the favour you accorded me yesterday evening."

"I would rather incur all the excommunications in the world than run the
risk of appearing unjust to you. Take me."

So saying, she took off her cap, and let down her beautiful hair. I
unlaced her corset, and in the twinkling of an eye I had before me such a
siren as one sees on the canvas of Correggio. I could not look upon her
long without covering her with my burning kisses, and, communicating my
ardour, before long she made a place for me beside herself. I felt that
there was no time for thinking, that nature had spoken out, and that love
bade me seize the opportunity offered by that delicious weakness. I threw
myself on her, and with my lips glued to hers I pressed her between my
amorous arms, pending the moment of supreme bliss.

But in the midst of these joys, she turned her head, closed her eyelids,
and fell asleep. I moved away a little, the better to contemplate the
treasures that love displayed before me. The nun slept, as I thought; but
even if her sleep was feigned, should I be angry with her for the
stratagem? Certainly not; true or feigned, the sleep of a loved one
should always be respected by a delicate lover, although there are some
pleasures he may allow himself. If the sleep is real there is no harm
done, and if it is put on the lover only responds to the lady's desires.
All that is necessary is so to manage one's caresses that they are
pleasant to the beloved object. But M---- M---- was really asleep; the
claret had numbed her senses, and she had yielded to its influence
without any ulterior motives. While I gazed at her I saw that she was
dreaming. Her lips uttered words of which I could not catch the meaning,
but her voluptuous aspect told me of what she dreamt. I took off my
clothes; and in two minutes I had clasped her fair body to mine, not
caring much whether she slept on or whether I awoke her and brought our
drama to a climax, which seemed inevitable.

I was not long uncertain, for the instinctive movements she made when she
felt the minister that would fain accomplish the sacrifice at the door of
the sanctuary, convinced me that her dream still lasted, and that I could
not make her happier than by changing it into reality. I delicately moved
away all obstacles, and gently and by degrees consummated this sweet
robbery, and when at last I abandoned myself to all the force of passion,
she awoke with a sigh of bliss, murmuring,

"Ah! it is true then."

"Yes, my angel! are you happy?"

For all reply she drew me to her and fastened her lips on mine, and thus
we awaited the dawn of day, exhausting all imaginable kinds of pleasure,
exciting each other's desires, and only wishing to prolong our enjoyment.

"Alas!" said she, "I am happy now, but you must leave me till the
evening. Let us talk of our happiness, and enjoy it over again."

"Then you do not repent having made me a happy man?"

"No; it is you who have made me happy. You are an angel from heaven. We
loved, we crowned our love; I cannot have done aught to offend God. I am
free from all my fears. We have obeyed nature and our destinies. Do you
love me still?"

"Can you ask me? I will shew you to-night."

I dressed myself as quickly as possible while we talked of our love, and
I left her in bed, bidding her rest.

It was quite light when I got home. Le Duc had not gone to bed, and gave
me a letter from the fair Zeroli, telling me that it had been delivered
at eleven o'clock. I had not gone to her supper, and I had not escorted
her to Chamberi; I had not had time to give her a moment's thought. I was
sorry, but I could not do anything. I opened her letter which consisted
of only six lines, but they were pregnant ones. She advised me never to
go to Turin, for if I went there she would find means to take vengeance
on me for the dastardly affront I had put upon her. She reproached me
with having put her to public shame, said I had dishonoured her, and
vowed she would never forgive me. I did not distress myself to any great
extent; I tore up the friendly missive, and after I had had my hair done
I went to the fountain.

Everybody flew at me for not having been at Madame Zeroli's supper. I
defended myself as best I could, but my excuses were rather tame, about
which I did not trouble myself. I was told that all was known, and this
amused me as I was aware that nothing was known. The marquis's mistress
took hold of my arm, and told me, without any circumlocution, that I had
the reputation of being inconstant, and by way of reply I observed
politely that I was wrongfully accused, but that if there was any ground
for the remark it was because I had never served so sweet a lady as
herself. She was flattered by my compliment, and I bit my lip when I
heard her ask in the most gracious manner why I did not breakfast
sometimes with the marquis.

"I was afraid of disturbing him," said I.

"How do you mean?"

"I should be interrupting him in his business."

"He has no business, and he would be delighted to see you. Come
to-morrow, he always breakfasts in my room."

This lady was the widow of a gentleman of quality; she was young,
undoubtedly pretty, and possessing in perfection the jargon of good
society; nevertheless, she did not attract me. After recently enjoying
the fair Zeroli, and finding my suit with the fair nun at the height of
its prosperity, I was naturally hard to please, and in plain words--I was
perfectly contented with my situation. For all that, I had foolishly
placed myself in such a position that I was obliged to give her to
understand that she had delighted me by her preference.

She asked the marquis if she could return to the inn.

"Yes," said he, "but I have some business in hand, and cannot come with
you."

"Would you be kind enough to escort me?" said she to me. I bowed in
assent.

On the way she told me that if Madame Zeroli were still there she would
not have dared to take my arm. I could only reply by equivocating, as I
had no wish to embark in a fresh intrigue. However, I had no choice; I
was obliged to accompany her to her room and sit down beside her; but as
I had had no sleep the night before I felt tired and began to yawn, which
was not flattering for the lady. I excused myself to the best of my
ability, telling her that I was ill, and she believed me or pretended to
believe me. But I felt sleep stealing upon me, and I should have
infallibly dropped off if it had not been for my hellebore, which kept me
awake by making me sneeze.

The marquis came in, and after a thousand compliments he proposed a game
of quinze. I begged him to excuse me, and the lady backed me up, saying I
could not possibly play in the midst of such a sneezing fit. We went down
to dinner, and afterwards I easily consented to make a bank, as I was
vexed at my loss of the day before. As usual I staked five hundred louis,
and about seven o'clock, though two-thirds of the bank had gone, I
announced the last deal. The marquis and two other heavy gamesters then
endeavoured to break the bank, but fortune turned, and I not only got
back my losses but won three hundred Louis besides. Thereupon I rose,
promising the company to begin again next day. All the ladies had won, as
Desarmoises had orders to let them play as they liked up to a certain
limit.

I locked up my money, and warning my faithful Spaniard that I should not
be coming back, I went to my idol, having got wet through on the way, and
being obliged to undress as soon as I arrived. The good woman' of the
house took care to dry my clothes.

I found the fair nun dressed in her religious habit, and lying on the
small bed.

"Why are you not in your own bed, dearest?"

"Because I feel quite well again, my darling, and I wished to sup with
you at table. We will go to bed afterwards, if that will give you any
pleasure."

"It will give me pleasure if you share in my delight."

"Alas! I am undone, and I shall doubtless die when I have to leave you."

"Do not leave me, sweetheart; come with me to Rome; and leave the matter
in my hands. I will make you my wife, and we will live happily together
ever after."

"That would be too great a bliss, but I could never make up my mind to
it; say no more about it."

I was sure of spending a delicious night--in the possession of all her
charms, and we stayed an hour at table, seasoning the dishes with sweet
converse. When we had done, the woman came up, gave her a packet, and
went away again, wishing us good night.