Within an Inch of His Life

E >> Emile Gaboriau >> Within an Inch of His Life


"But such delights never last long.

"It had not taken me long to find out that I had given myself a master,
and the most imperious and exacting master that ever lived. I had almost
ceased to belong to myself. I had become her property; and I lived and
breathed and thought and acted for her alone. She did not mind my tastes
and my dislikes. She wished a thing, and that was enough. She wrote to
me, 'Come!' and I had to be instantly on the spot: she said to me, 'Go!'
an I had to leave at once. At first I accepted these evidences of her
despotism with joy; but gradually I became tired of this perpetual
abdication of my own will. I disliked to have no control over myself,
to be unable to dispose of twenty-four hours in advance. I began to feel
the pressure of the halter around my neck. I thought of flight. One of
my friends was to set out on a voyage around the world, which was to
last eighteen months or two years, and I had an idea of accompanying
him. There was nothing to retain me. I was, by fortune and position,
perfectly independent. Why should I not carry out my plan?

"Ah, why? The prism was not broken yet. I cursed the tyranny of the
countess; but I still trembled when I heard her name mentioned. I
thought of escaping from her; but a single glance moved me to the bottom
of my heart. I was bound to her by the thousand tender threads of habit
and of complicity,--those threads which seem to be more delicate than
gossamer, but which are harder to break than a ship's cable.

"Still, this idea which had occurred to me brought it about that I
uttered for the first time the word 'separation' in her presence, asking
her what she would do if I should leave her. She looked at me with a
strange air and asked me, after a moment's hesitation,--

"'Are you serious? Is it a warning?'

"I dared not carry matters any farther, and, making an effort to smile,
I said,--

"'It is only a joke.'

"'Then,' she said, 'let us not say any thing more about it. If you
should ever come to that, you would soon see what I would do.'

"I did not insist; but that look remained long in my memory, and made me
feel that I was far more closely bound than I had thought. From that day
it became my fixed idea to break with her."

"Well, you ought to have made an end of it," said Magloire.

Jacques de Boiscoran shook his head.

"That is easily said," he replied. "I tried it; but I could not do
it. Ten times I went to her, determined to say, 'Let us part;' and ten
times, at the last moment, my courage failed me. She irritated me. I
almost began to hate her; but I could not forget how much I had loved
her, and how much she had risked for my sake. Then--why should I not
confess it?--I was afraid of her.

"This inflexible character, which I had so much admired, terrified me;
and I shuddered, seized with vague and sombre apprehensions, when
I thought what she was capable of doing. I was thus in the utmost
perplexity, when my mother spoke to me of a match which she had long
hoped for. This might be the pretext which I had so far failed to find.
At all events, I asked for time to consider; and, the first time I saw
the countess again, I gathered all my courage, and said to her,--

"'Do you know what has happened? My mother wants me to marry.'

"She turned as pale as death; and looking me fixedly in the eyes, as if
wanting to read my innermost thoughts, she asked,--

"'And you, what do you want?'

"'I,' I replied with a forced laugh,--'I want nothing just now. But
the thing will have to be done sooner or later. A man must have a home,
affections which the world acknowledges'--

"'And I,' she broke in; 'what am I to you?'

"'You,' I exclaimed, 'you, Genevieve! I love you with all the strength
of my heart. But we are separated by a gulf: you are married.'

"She was still looking at me fixedly.

"'In other words,' she said, 'you have loved me as a pastime. I have
been the amusement of your youth, the poetry of twenty years, that
love-romance which every man wants to have. But you are becoming
serious; you want sober affections, and you leave me. Well, be it so.
But what is to become of me when you are married?'

"I was suffering terribly.

"'You have your husband,' I stammered, 'your children'--

"She stopped me.

"'Yes,' she said. 'I shall go back go live at Valpinson, in that
country full of associations, where every place recalls a rendezvous. I
shall live with my husband, whom I have betrayed; with daughters, one of
whom--That cannot be, Jacques.'

"I had a fit of courage.

"'Still,' I said, 'I may have to marry. What would you do?'

"'Oh! very little,' she replied. 'I should hand all your letters to
Count Claudieuse.'"

During the thirty years which he had spent at the bar, M. Magloire had
heard many a strange confession; but never in his life had all his ideas
been overthrown as in this case.

"That is utterly confounding," he murmured.

But Jacques went on,--

"Was this threat of the countess meant in earnest? I did not doubt it;
but affecting great composure, I said,--

"'You would not do that.'

"'By all that I hold dear and sacred in this world,' she replied, 'I
would do it.'

"Many months have passed by since that scene, Magloire, many events have
happened; and still I feel as if it had taken place yesterday. I see the
countess still, whiter than a ghost. I still hear her trembling voice;
and I can repeat to you her words almost literally,--

"'Ah! you are surprised at my determination, Jacques. I understand
that. Wives who have betrayed their husbands have not accustomed their
lovers to be held responsible by them. When they are betrayed, they
dare not cry out; when they are abandoned, they submit; when they are
sacrificed, they hide their tears, for to cry would be to avow their
wrong. Who would pity them, besides? Have they not received their
well-known punishment? Hence it is that all men agree, and there are
some of them cynical enough to confess it, that a married woman is a
convenient lady-love, because she can never be jealous, and she may be
abandoned at any time. Ah! we women are great cowards. If we had more
courage, you men would look twice before you would dare speak of love to
a married woman. But what no one dares I will dare. It shall not be said
that in our common fault there are two parts, and that you shall have
had all the benefit of it, and that I must bear all the punishment.
What? You might be free to-morrow to console yourself with a new love;
and I--I should have to sink under my shame and remorse. No, no! Such
bonds as those that bind us, riveted by long years of complicity, are
not broken so easily.

"'You belong to me; you are mine; and I shall defend you against all
and every one, with such arms as I possess. I told you that I valued my
reputation more than my life; but I never told you that I valued life.
On the eve of your wedding-day, my husband shall know all. I shall not
survive the loss of my honor; but at least I shall have my revenge. If
you escape the hatred of Count Claudieuse, your name will be bound up
with such a tragic affair that your life will be ruined forever.'

"That was the way she spoke, Magloire, and with a passion of which I can
give you no idea. It was absurd, it was insane, I admit. But is not
all passion absurd and insane? Besides, it was by no means a sudden
inspiration of her pride, which made her threaten me with such
vengeance. The precision of her phrases, the accuracy of her words,
all made me feel that she had long meditated such a blow, and carefully
calculated the effect of every word.

"I was thunderstruck.

"And as I kept silence for some time, she asked me coldly,--

"'Well?'

"I had to gain time, first of all.

"'Well,' I said, 'I cannot understand your passion. This marriage
which I mentioned has never existed as yet, except in my mother's
imagination.'

"'True?' she asked.

"'I assure you.'

"She examined me with suspicious eyes. At last she said,--

"'Well, I believe you. But now you are warned: let us think no more of
such horrors.'

"She might think no more of them, but I could not.

"I left her with fury in my heart.

"She had evidently settled it all. I had for lifetime this halter around
my neck, which held me tighter day by day and, at the slightest effort
to free myself, I must be prepared for a terrible scandal; for one of
those overwhelming adventures which destroy a man's whole life. Could
I ever hope to make her listen to reason? No, I was quite sure I could
not.

"I knew but too well that I should lose my time, if I were to recall to
her that I was not quite as guilty as she would make me out; if I were
to show her that her vengeance would fall less upon myself than upon her
husband and her children; and that, although she might blame the count
for the conditions of their marriage, her daughters, at least, were
innocent.

"I looked in vain for an opening out of this horrible difficulty. Upon
my honor, Magloire, there were moments when I thought I would pretend
getting married, for the purpose of inducing the countess to act, and of
bringing upon myself these threats which were hanging over me. I fear no
danger; but I cannot bear to know it to exist, and to wait for it with
folded hands: I must go forth and meet it.

"The thought that the countess should use her husband for the purpose of
keeping me bound shocked me. It seemed to me ridiculous and ignoble that
she should make her husband the guardian of her love. Did she think I
was afraid of her?

"In the meantime, my mother had asked me what was the result of my
reflections on the subject of marriage; and I blushed with shame as I
told her that I was not disposed to marry as yet, as I felt too young
to accept the responsibility of a family. It was so; but, under other
circumstances, I should hardly have put in that plea. I was thus
hesitating, and thinking how and when I should be able to make an end of
it, when the war broke out. I felt naturally bound to offer my services.
I hastened to Boiscoran. They had just organized the volunteers of the
district; and they made me their captain. With them I joined the army
of the Loire. In my state of mind, war had nothing fearful for me:
every excitement was welcome that made me forget the past. There was,
consequently, no merit in my courage. Nevertheless, as the weeks passed,
and then the months, without my hearing a word about the Countess
Claudieuse, I began secretly to hope that she had forgotten me; and
that, time and absence doing their work, she was giving me up.

"When peace was made, I returned to Boiscoran; and the countess gave no
more signs of life now than before. I began to feel reassured, and to
recover possession of myself, when one day M. de Chandore invited me to
dinner. I went. I saw Miss Dionysia.

"I had known her already for some time; and the recollection of her had,
perhaps, had its influence upon my desire to quit the countess. Still I
had always had self-control enough to avoid her lest I should draw some
fatal vengeance upon her. When I was brought in contact with her by her
grandfather, I had no longer the heart to avoid her; and, on the day on
which I thought I read in her eyes that she loved me I made up my mind,
and I resolved to risk every thing.

"But how shall I tell you what I suffered, Magloire, and with what
anxiety I asked every evening when I returned to Boiscoran,--

"'No letter yet?'

"None came; and still it was impossible that the Countess Claudieuse
should not have heard of my marriage. My father had called on M. de
Chandore, and asked him for the hand of his grand-daughter for me. I had
been publicly acknowledged as her betrothed; and nothing was now to be
done but to fix the wedding-day.

"This silence frightened me."

Exhausted and out of breath, Jacque de Boiscoran paused here, pressing
both of his hands on his chest, as if to check the irregular beating of
his heart.

He was approaching the catastrophe.

And yet he looked in vain to the advocate for a word or a sign of
encouragement. M. Magloire remained impenetrable: his face remained as
impassive as an iron mask.

At last, with a great effort, Jacques resumed,--

"Yes, this calm frightened me more than a storm would have done. To
win Dionysia's love was too great happiness. I expected a catastrophe,
something terrible. I expected it with such absolute certainty, that I
had actually made up my mind to confess every thing to M. de Chandore.
You know him, Magloire. The old gentleman is the purest and brightest
type of honor itself. I could intrust my secrets to him with as perfect
safety as I formerly intrusted Genevieve's name to the night winds.

"Alas! why did I hesitate? why did I delay?

"One word might have saved me; and I should not be here, charged with
an atrocious crime, innocent, and yet condemned to see how you doubt the
truth of my words.

"But fate was against me.

"After having for a week postponed my confession every day to the next,
one evening, after Dionysia and I had been talking of presentiments, I
said to myself, 'To-morrow it shall be done.'

"The next morning, I went to Boiscoran much earlier than usual, and on
foot, because I wanted to give some orders to a dozen workmen whom I
employed in my vineyards. I took a short cut through the fields. Alas!
not a single detail has escaped from my memory. When I had given my
orders, I returned to the high road, and there met the priest from
Brechy, who is a friend of mine.

"'You must,' he said, 'keep me company for a little distance. As you
are on your way to Sauveterre, it will not delay you much to take the
cross-road which passes by Valpinson and the forest of Rochepommier.'

"On what trifles our fate depends!

"I accompanied the priest, and only left him at the point where the
high-road and the cross-road intersect. As soon as I was alone, I
hastened on; and I was almost through the wood, when, all of a sudden,
some twenty yards before me, I saw the Countess Claudieuse coming
towards me. In spite of my emotion, I kept on my way, determined to bow
to her, but to pass her without speaking. I did so, and had gone on a
little distance, when I heard her call me,--

"'Jacques!'

"I stopped; or, rather, I was nailed to the spot by that voice which for
a long time had held such entire control over my heart. She came up to
me, looking even more excited than I was. Her lips trembled, and her
eyes wandered to and fro.

"'Well,' she said, 'it is no longer a fancy: this time you marry Miss
Chandore.'

"The time for half-measures had passed.

"'Yes,' I replied.

"'Then it is really true,' she said again. 'It is all over now. I
suppose it would be in vain to remind you of those vows of eternal love
which you used to repeat over and over again. Look down there under that
old oak. They are the same trees, this is the same landscape, and I am
still the same woman; but your heart has changed.'

"I made no reply.

"'You love her very much, do you?' she asked me.

"I kept obstinately silent.

"'I understand,' she said, 'I understand you but too well. And
Dionysia? She loves you so much she cannot keep it to herself. She stops
her friends to tell them all about her marriage, and to assure them
of her happiness. Oh, yes, indeed, very happy! That love which was my
disgrace is her honor. I was forced to conceal it like a crime: she can
display it as a virtue. Social forms are, after all, very absurd and
unjust; but a fool is he who tries to defy them.'

"Tears, the very first tears I had ever seen her shed, glittered in her
long silky eyelashes.

"'And to be nothing more to you,--nothing at all! Ah, I was too
cautious! Do you recollect the morning after your uncle's death, when
you, now a rich man, proposed that we should flee? I refused; I clung to
my reputation. I wanted to be respected. I thought it possible to divide
life into two parts,--one to be devoted to pleasure; the other, to the
hypocrisy of duty. Poor fool that I was! And still I discovered long ago
that you were weary of me. I knew you so well! Your heart was like an
open book to me, in which I read your most secret thoughts. Then I might
have retained you. I ought to have been humble, obliging, submissive.
Instead of that, I tried to command.

"'And you,' she said after a short pause,--'are you happy?'

"'I cannot be completely happy as long as I know that you are unhappy.
But there is no sorrow which time does not heal. You will forget'--

"'Never!' she cried.

"And, lowering her voice, she added,--

"'Can I forget you? Alas! my crime is fearful; but the punishment is
still more so.'

"People were coming down the road.

"'Compose yourself,' I said.

"She made an effort to control her emotion. The people passed us,
saluting politely. And after a moment she said again,--

"'Well, and when is the wedding?'

"I trembled. She herself insisted upon an explanation.

"'No day has as yet been fixed,' I replied. 'Had I not to see you
first? You uttered once grave threats.'

"'And you were afraid?'

"'No: I was sure I knew you too well to fear that you would punish me
for having loved you, as if that had been a crime. So many things have
happened since the day when you made those threats!'

"'Yes,' she replied, 'many things indeed! My poor father is
incorrigible. Once more he has committed himself fearfully; and once
more my husband has been compelled to sacrifice a large sum to save him.
Ah, Count Claudieuse has a noble heart; and it is a great pity I should
be the only one towards whom he has failed to show generosity. Every
kindness which he shows me is a new grievance for me; but, having
accepted them all, I have forfeited the right to strike him, as I had
intended to do. You may marry Dionysia, Jacques; you have nothing to
fear from me.'

"Ah! I had not hoped for so much, Magloire. Overcome with joy, I seized
her hand, and raising it to my lips, I said,--

"'You are the kindest of friends.'

"But promptly, as if my lips had burnt her hand, she drew it back, and
said, turning very pale,--

"'No, don't do that!'

"Then, overcoming her emotion to a certain degree, she added,--

"'But we must meet once more. You have my letters, I dare say.'

"'I have them all.'

"'Well, you must bring them to me. But where? And how? I can hardly
absent myself at this time. My youngest daughter--our daughter,
Jacques--is very ill. Still, an end must be made. Let us see, on
Thursday--are you free then? Yes. Very well, then come on Thursday
evening, towards nine o'clock, to Valpinson. You will find me at the
edge of the wood, near the towers of the old castle, which my husband
has repaired.'

"'Is that quite prudent?' I asked.

"'Have I ever left any thing to chance?' she replied, 'and would I
be apt, at this time, to be imprudent? Rely on me. Come, we must part,
Jacques. Thursday, and be punctual!'

"Was I really free? Was the chain really broken? And had I become once
more my own master?

"I thought so, and in my almost delirious joy I forgave the countess all
the anxieties of the last year. What do I say? I began to accuse myself
of injustice and cruelty. I admired her for sacrificing herself to my
happiness. I felt, in the fulness of my gratitude, like kneeling down,
and kissing the hem of her dress.

"It had become useless now to confide my secret to M. de Chandore. I
might have gone back to Boiscoran. But I was more than half-way; I kept
on; and, when I reached Sauveterre, my face bore such evident trances of
my relief, that Dionysia said to me,--

"'Something very pleasant must have happened to you, Jacques.'

"Oh, yes, very pleasant! For the first time, I breathed freely as I sat
by her side. I could love her now, without fearing that my love might be
fatal to her.

"This security did not last long. As I considered the matter, I thought
it very singular that the countess should have chosen such a place for
our meeting.

"'Can it be a trap?' I asked, as the day drew nearer.

"All day long on Thursday I had the most painful presentiments. If I had
known how to let the countess know, I should certainly not have gone.
But I had no means to send her word; and I knew her well enough to be
sure that breaking my word would expose me to her full vengeance. I
dined at the usual hour; and, when I had finished, I went up to my room,
where I wrote to Dionysia not to expect me that evening, as I should be
detained by a matter of the utmost importance.

"I handed the note to Michael, the son of one of my tenants, and told
him to carry it to town without losing a minute. Then I tied up all of
the countess's letters in a parcel, put it in my pocket, took my gun,
and went out. It might have been eight o'clock; but it was still broad
daylight."

Whether M. Magloire accepted every thing that the prisoner said as
truth, or not, he was evidently deeply interested. He had drawn up his
chair, and at every statement he uttered half-loud exclamations.

"Under any other circumstances," said Jacques, "I should have taken one
of the two public roads in going to Valpinson. But troubled, as I was,
by vague suspicions, I thought only of concealing myself and cut across
the marshes. They were partly overflowed; but I counted upon my intimate
familiarity with the ground, and my agility. I thought, moreover, that
here I should certainly not be seen, and should meet no one. In this
I was mistaken. When I reached the Seille Canal, and was just about to
cross it, I found myself face to face with young Ribot, the son of a
farmer at Brechy. He looked so very much surprised at seeing me in such
a place, that I thought to give him some explanation; and, rendered
stupid by my troubles, I told him I had business at Brechy, and was
crossing the marshes to shoot some birds.

"'If that is so,' he replied, laughing, 'we are not after the same kind
of game.'

"He went his way; but this accident annoyed me seriously. I continued on
my way, swearing, I fear, at young Ribot, and found that the path became
more and more dangerous. It was long past nine when I reached Valpinson
at last. But the night was clear, and I became more cautious than ever.

"The place which the countess had chosen for our meeting was about two
hundred yards from the house and the farm buildings, sheltered by other
buildings, and quite close to the wood. I approached it through this
wood.

"Hid among the trees, I was examining the ground, when I noticed the
countess standing near one of the old towers: she wore a simple costume
of light muslin, which could be seen at a distance. Finding every thing
quiet, I went up to her; and, as soon as she saw me, she said,--

"'I have been waiting for you nearly an hour.'

"I explained to her the difficulties I had met with on my way there; and
then I asked her,--

"'But where is your husband?'

"'He is laid up with rheumatism,' she replied.

"'Will he not wonder at your absence?'

"'No: he knows I am sitting up with my youngest daughter. I left the
house through the little door of the laundry.'

"And, without giving me time to reply, she asked,--

"'Where are my letters?'

"'Here they are,' I said, handing them to her.

"She took them with feverish haste, saying in an undertone,--

"'There ought to be twenty-four.'

"And, without thinking of the insult, she went to work counting them.

"'They are all here,' she said when she had finished.

"Then, drawing a little package from her bosom, she added,--

"'And here are yours.'

"But she did not give them to me.

"'We'll burn them,' she said.

"I started with surprise.

"'You cannot think of it,' I cried, 'here, and at this hour. The fire
would certainly be seen.'

"'What? Are you afraid? However, we can go into the wood. Come, give me
some matches.'

"I felt in my pockets; but I had none.

"'I have no matches,' I said.

"'Oh, come!--you who smoke all day long,--you who, even in my presence,
could never give up your cigars.'

"'I left my match-box, yesterday, at M. de Chandore's.'

"She stamped her foot vehemently.

"'Since that is so, I'll go in and get some.'

"This would have delayed us, and thus would have been an additional
imprudence. I saw that I must do what she wanted, and so I said,--

"'That is not necessary. Wait!'

"All sportsmen know that there is a way to replace matches. I employed
the usual means. I took a cartridge out of my gun, emptied it and its
shot, and put in, instead a piece of paper. Then, resting my gun on the
ground, so as to prevent a loud explosion, I made the powder flash up.

"We had fire, and put the letters to the flame.

"A few minutes later, and nothing was left of them but a few blackened
fragments, which I crumbled in my hands, and scattered to the winds.
Immovable, like a statue, the Countess Claudieuse had watched my
operations.

"'And that is all,' she said, 'that remains of five years of our life,
of our love, and of your vows,--ashes.'

"I replied by a commonplace remark. I was in a hurry to be gone.

"She felt this, and cried with great vehemence,--

"'Ah! I inspire you with horror.'

"'We have just committed a marvellous imprudence,' I said.