A Simpleton

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A SIMPLETON


By Charles Reade




PREFACE.


It has lately been objected to me, in studiously courteous terms of
course, that I borrow from other books, and am a plagiarist. To this
I reply that I borrow facts from every accessible source, and am not a
plagiarist. The plagiarist is one who borrows from a homogeneous work:
for such a man borrows not ideas only, but their treatment. He who
borrows only from heterogeneous works is not a plagiarist. All fiction,
worth a button, is founded on facts; and it does not matter one straw
whether the facts are taken from personal experience, hearsay, or
printed books; only those books must not be works of fiction.

Ask your common sense why a man writes better fiction at forty than he
can at twenty. It is simply because he has gathered more facts from each
of these three sources,--experience, hearsay, print.

To those who have science enough to appreciate the above distinction,
I am very willing to admit that in all my tales I use a vast deal of
heterogeneous material, which in a life of study I have gathered from
men, journals, blue-books, histories, biographies, law reports, etc. And
if I could, I would gladly specify all the various printed sources to
which I am indebted. But my memory is not equal to such a feat. I can
only say that I rarely write a novel without milking about two hundred
heterogeneous cows into my pail, and that "A Simpleton" is no exception
to my general method; that method is the true method, and the best, and
if on that method I do not write prime novels, it is the fault of the
man, and not of the method.

I give the following particulars as an illustration of my method:

In "A Simpleton," the whole business of the girl spitting blood, the
surgeon ascribing it to the liver, the consultation, the final solution
of the mystery, is a matter of personal experience accurately recorded.
But the rest of the medical truths, both fact and argument, are all from
medical books far too numerous to specify. This includes the strange
fluctuations of memory in a man recovering his reason by degrees. The
behavior of the doctor's first two patients I had from a surgeon's
daughter in Pimlico. The servant-girl and her box; the purple-faced,
pig-faced Beak and his justice, are personal experience. The business of
house-renting, and the auction-room, is also personal experience.

In the nautical business I had the assistance of two practical seamen:
my brother, William Barrington Reade, and Commander Charles Edward
Reade, R.N.

In the South African business I gleaned from Mr. Day's recent handbooks;
the old handbooks; Galton's "Vacation Tourist;" "Philip Mavor; or, Life
among the Caffres;" "Fossor;" "Notes on the Cape of Good Hope," 1821;
"Scenes and Occurrences in Albany and Caffre-land," 1827; Bowler's
"South African Sketches;" "A Campaign in South Africa," Lucas; "Five
Years in Caffre-land," Mrs. Ward; etc., etc., etc. But my principal
obligation on this head is to Mr. Boyle, the author of some admirable
letters to the Daily telegraph, which he afterwards reprinted in a
delightful volume. Mr. Boyle has a painter's eye, and a writer's pen,
and if the African scenes in "A Simpleton" please my readers, I hope
they will go to the fountain-head, where they will find many more.

As to the plot and characters, they are invented.

The title, "A Simpleton," is not quite new. There is a French
play called La Niaise. But La Niaise is in reality a woman of rare
intelligence, who is taken for a simpleton by a lot of conceited fools,
and the play runs on their blunders, and her unpretending wisdom. That
is a very fine plot, which I recommend to our female novelists. My aim
in these pages has been much humbler, and is, I hope, too clear to need
explanation.

CHARLES READE.




A SIMPLETON.




CHAPTER I.


A young lady sat pricking a framed canvas in the drawing-room of Kent
Villa, a mile from Gravesend; she was making, at a cost of time and
tinted wool, a chair cover, admirably unfit to be sat upon--except by
some severe artist, bent on obliterating discordant colors. To do her
justice, her mind was not in her work; for she rustled softly with
restlessness as she sat, and she rose three times in twenty minutes, and
went to the window. Thence she looked down, over a trim flowery
lawn, and long, sloping meadows, on to the silver Thames, alive with
steamboats ploughing, white sails bellying, and great ships carrying to
and fro the treasures of the globe. From this fair landscape and epitome
of commerce she retired each time with listless disdain; she was waiting
for somebody.

Yet she was one of those whom few men care to keep waiting. Rosa
Lusignan was a dark but dazzling beauty, with coal-black hair, and
glorious dark eyes, that seemed to beam with soul all day long; her
eyebrows, black, straightish, and rather thick, would have been majestic
and too severe, had the other features followed suit; but her black
brows were succeeded by long silky lashes, a sweet oval face, two
pouting lips studded with ivory, and an exquisite chin, as feeble as any
man could desire in the partner of his bosom. Person--straight, elastic,
and rather tall. Mind--nineteen. Accomplishments--numerous; a poor
French scholar, a worse German, a worse English, an admirable dancer,
an inaccurate musician, a good rider, a bad draughtswoman, a bad
hairdresser, at the mercy of her maid; a hot theologian, knowing
nothing, a sorry accountant, no housekeeper, no seamstress, a fair
embroideress, a capital geographer, and no cook.

Collectively, viz., mind and body, the girl we kneel to.

This ornamental member of society now glanced at the clock once more,
and then glided to the window for the fourth time. She peeped at the
side a good while, with superfluous slyness or shyness, and presently
she drew back, blushing crimson; then she peeped again, still more
furtively; then retired softly to her frame, and, for the first time,
set to work in earnest. As she plied her harpoon, smiling now, the large
and vivid blush, that had suffused her face and throat, turned from
carnation to rose, and melted away slowly, but perceptibly, and ever so
sweetly; and somebody knocked at the street door.

The blow seemed to drive her deeper into her work. She leaned over it,
graceful as a willow, and so absorbed, she could not even see the door
of the room open and Dr. Staines come in.

All the better: her not perceiving that slight addition to her furniture
gives me a moment to describe him.

A young man, five feet eleven inches high, very square shouldered and
deep chested, but so symmetrical, and light in his movements, that his
size hardly struck one at first. He was smooth shaved, all but a short,
thick, auburn whisker; his hair was brown. His features no more then
comely: the brow full, the eyes wide apart and deep-seated, the lips
rather thin, but expressive, the chin solid and square. It was a face
of power, and capable of harshness; but relieved by an eye of unusual
color, between hazel and gray, and wonderfully tender. In complexion
he could not compare with Rosa; his cheek was clear, but pale; for
few young men had studied night and day so constantly. Though but
twenty-eight years of age, he was literally a learned physician; deep in
hospital practice; deep in books; especially deep in German science,
too often neglected or skimmed by English physicians. He had delivered a
course of lectures at a learned university with general applause.

As my reader has divined, Rosa was preparing the comedy of a cool
reception; but looking up, she saw his pale cheek tinted with a lover's
beautiful joy at the bare sight of her, and his soft eye so divine with
love, that she had not the heart to chill him. She gave him her hand
kindly, and smiled brightly on him instead of remonstrating. She lost
nothing by it, for the very first thing he did was to excuse himself
eagerly. "I am behind time: the fact is, just as I was mounting my
horse, a poor man came to the gate to consult me. He had a terrible
disorder I have sometimes succeeded in arresting--I attack the cause
instead of the symptoms, which is the old practice--and so that detained
me. You forgive me?"

"Of course. Poor man!--only you said you wanted to see papa, and he
always goes out at two."

When she had been betrayed into saying this, she drew in suddenly, and
blushed with a pretty consciousness.

"Then don't let me lose another minute," said the lover. "Have you
prepared him for--for--what I am going to have the audacity to say?"

Rosa answered, with some hesitation, "I MUST have--a little. When I
refused Colonel Bright--you need not devour my hand quite--he is forty."

Her sentence ended, and away went the original topic, and grammatical
sequence along with it. Christopher Staines recaptured them both. "Yes,
dear, when you refused Colonel Bright"--

"Well, papa was astonished; for everybody says the colonel is a most
eligible match. Don't you hate that expression? I do. Eligible!"

Christopher made due haste, and recaptured her. "Yes, love, your papa
said"--

"I don't think I will tell you. He asked me was there anybody else; and
of course I said 'No.'"

"Oh!"

"Oh, that is nothing; I had not time to make up my mind to tell the
truth. I was taken by surprise; and you know one's first impulse is to
fib--about THAT."

"But did you really deceive him?"

"No, I blushed; and he caught me; so he said, 'Come, now, there was.'"

"And you said, 'Yes, there is,' like a brave girl as you are."

"What, plump like that? No, I was frightened out of my wits, like a
brave girl as I am not, and said I should never marry any one he could
disapprove; and then--oh, then I believe I began to cry. Christopher,
I'll tell you something; I find people leave off teasing you when you
cry--gentlemen, I mean. Ladies go on all the more. So then dear papa
kissed me, and told me I must not be imprudent, and throw myself away,
that was all; and I promised him I never would. I said he would be sure
to approve my choice; and he said he hoped so. And so he will."

Dr. Staines looked thoughtful, and said he hoped so too. "But now
it comes to the point of asking him for such a treasure, I feel my
deficiencies."

"Why, what deficiencies? You are young, and handsome, and good, and ever
so much cleverer than other people. You have only to ask for me, and
insist on having me. Come, dear, go and get it over." She added, mighty
coolly, "There is nothing so DREADFUL as suspense."

"I'll go this minute," said he, and took a step towards the door; but he
turned, and in a moment was at her knees. He took both her hands in his,
and pressed them to his beating bosom, while his beautiful eyes poured
love into hers point-blank. "May I tell him you love me? Oh, I know you
cannot love me as I love you; but I may say you love me a little, may I
not?--that will go farther with him than anything else. May I, Rosa, may
I?--a little?"

His passion mastered her. She dropped her head sweetly on his shoulder,
and murmured, "You know you may, my own. Who would not love you?"

He parted lingeringly from her, then marched away, bold with love and
hope, to demand her hand in marriage.

Rosa leaned back in her chair, and quivered a little with new emotions.
Christopher was right; she was not capable of loving like him; but
still the actual contact of so strong a passion made her woman's nature
vibrate. A dewy tear hung on the fringes of her long lashes, and she
leaned back in her chair and fluttered awhile.

That emotion, almost new to her, soon yielded, in her girlish mind, to a
complacent languor; and that, in its turn, to a soft reverie. So she was
going to be married! To be mistress of a house; settle in London (THAT
she had quite determined long ago); be able to go out into the streets
all alone, to shop, or visit; have a gentleman all her own, whom she
could put her finger on any moment and make him take her about, even to
the opera and the theatre; to give dinner-parties her own self, and even
a little ball once in a way; to buy whatever dresses she thought proper,
instead of being crippled by an allowance; have the legal right of
speaking first in society, even to gentlemen rich in ideas but bad
starters, instead of sitting mumchance and mock-modest; to be Mistress,
instead of Miss--contemptible title; to be a woman, instead of a girl;
and all this rational liberty, domestic power, and social dignity were
to be obtained by merely wedding a dear fellow, who loved her, and was
so nice; and the bright career to be ushered in with several delights,
each of them dear to a girl's very soul: presents from all her friends;
as many beautiful new dresses as if she was changing her body or her
hemisphere, instead of her name; eclat; going to church, which is a
good English girl's theatre of display and temple of vanity, and there
tasting delightful publicity and whispered admiration, in a heavenly
long veil, which she could not wear even once if she remained single.

This bright variegated picture of holy wedlock, and its essential
features, as revealed to young ladies by feminine tradition, though not
enumerated in the Book of Common Prayer writ by grim males, so entranced
her, that time flew by unheeded, and Christopher Staines came back from
her father. His step was heavy; he looked pale, and deeply distressed;
then stood like a statue, and did not come close to her, but cast a
piteous look, and gasped out one word, that seemed almost to choke
him,--"REFUSED!"

Miss Lusignan rose from her chair, and looked almost wildly at him with
her great eyes. "Refused?" said she, faintly.

"Yes," said he, sadly. "Your father is a man of business; and he took
a mere business view of our love: he asked me directly what provision
I could make for his daughter and her children. Well, I told him I had
three thousand pounds in the Funds, and a good profession; and then I
said I had youth, health, and love, boundless love, the love that can
do, or suffer, the love that can conquer the world."

"Dear Christopher! And what COULD he say to all that?"

"He ignored it entirely. There! I'll give you his very words. He said,
'In that case, Dr. Staines, the simple question is, what does your
profession bring you in per annum?'"

"Oh! There! I always hated arithmetic, and now I abominate it."

"Then I was obliged to confess I had scarcely received a hundred pounds
in fees this year; but I told him the reason; this is such a small
district, and all the ground occupied. London, I said, was my sphere."

"And so it is," said Rosa, eagerly; for this jumped with her own little
designs. "Genius is wasted in the country. Besides, whenever anybody
worth curing is ill down here, they always send to London for a doctor."

"I told him so, dearest," said the lover. "But he answered me directly,
then I must set up in London, and as soon as my books showed an income
to keep a wife, and servants, and children, and insure my life for five
thousand pounds"--

"Oh, that is so like papa. He is director of an insurance company, so
all the world must insure their lives."

"No, dear, he was quite right there: professional incomes are most
precarious. Death spares neither young nor old, neither warm hearts
nor cold. I should be no true physician if I could not see my own
mortality." He hung his head and pondered a moment, then went on, sadly,
"It all comes to this--until I have a professional income of eight
hundred a year at least, he will not hear of our marrying; and the cruel
thing is, he will not even consent to an engagement. But," said the
rejected, with a look of sad anxiety, "you will wait for me without
that, dear Rosa?"

She could give him that comfort, and she gave it him with loving
earnestness. "Of course I will; and it shall not be very long. Whilst
you are making your fortune, to please papa, I will keep fretting, and
pouting, and crying, till he sends for you."

"Bless you, dearest! Stop!--not to make yourself ill! not for all the
world." The lover and the physician spoke in turn.

He came, all gratitude, to her side, and they sat, hand in hand,
comforting each other: indeed, parting was such sweet sorrow that they
sat, handed, and very close to one another, till Mr. Lusignan, who
thought five minutes quite enough for rational beings to take leave in,
walked into the room and surprised them. At sight of his gray head and
iron-gray eyebrows, Christopher Staines started up and looked confused;
he thought some apology necessary, so he faltered out, "Forgive me, sir;
it is a bitter parting to me, you may be sure."

Rosa's bosom heaved at these simple words. She flew to her father,
and cried, "Oh, papa! papa! you were never cruel before;" and hid her
burning face on his shoulder; and then burst out crying, partly for
Christopher, partly because she was now ashamed of herself for having
taken a young man's part so openly.

Mr. Lusignan looked sadly discomposed at this outburst: she had taken
him by his weak point; he told her so. "Now, Rosa," said he, rather
peevishly, "you know I hate--noise."

Rosa had actually forgotten that trait for a single moment; but, being
reminded of it, she reduced her sobs in the prettiest way, not to offend
a tender parent who could not bear noise. Under this homely term, you
must know, he included all scenes, disturbances, rumpuses, passions; and
expected all men, women, and things in Kent Villa to go smoothly--or go
elsewhere.

"Come, young people," said he, "don't make a disturbance. Where's the
grievance? Have I said he shall never marry you? Have I forbidden him
to correspond? or even to call, say twice a year. All I say is, no
marriage, nor contract of marriage, until there is an income." Then he
turned to Christopher. "Now if you can't make an income without her, how
could you make one with her, weighed down by the load of expenses a wife
entails? I know her better than you do; she is a good girl, but rather
luxurious and self-indulgent. She is not cut out for a poor man's wife.
And pray don't go and fancy that nobody loves my child but you. Mine is
not so hot as yours, of course; but believe me, sir, it is less selfish.
You would expose her to poverty and misery; but I say no; it is my duty
to protect her from all chance of them; and, in doing it, I am as much
your friend as hers, if you could but see it. Come, Dr. Staines, be
a man, and see the world as it is. I have told you how to earn my
daughter's hand and my esteem: you must gain both, or neither."

Dr. Staines was never quite deaf to reason: he now put his hand to his
brow and said, with a sort of wonder and pitiful dismay, "My love
for Rosa selfish! Sir, your words are bitter and hard." Then, after a
struggle, and with rare and touching candor, "Ay, but so are bark and
steel; yet they are good medicines." Then with a great glow in his heart
and tears in his eyes, "My darling shall not be a poor man's wife,
she who would adorn a coronet, ay, or a crown. Good-by, Rosa, for the
present." He darted to her, and kissed her hand with all his soul. "Oh,
the sacrifice of leaving you," he faltered; "the very world is dark
to me without you. Ah, well, I must earn the right to come again." He
summoned all his manhood, and marched to the door. There he seemed to
turn calmer all of a sudden, and said firmly, yet humbly, "I'll try and
show you, sir, what love can do."

"And I'll show you what love can suffer," said Rosa, folding her
beautiful arms superbly.

It was not in her to have shot such a bolt, except in imitation; yet how
promptly the mimic thunder came, and how grand the beauty looked, with
her dark brows, and flashing eyes, and folded arms! much grander and
more inspired than poor Staines, who had only furnished the idea.

But between these two figures swelling with emotion, the representative
of common sense, Lusignan pere, stood cool and impassive; he shrugged
his shoulders, and looked on both lovers as a couple of ranting novices
he was saving from each other and almshouses.

For all that, when the lover had torn himself away, papa's composure was
suddenly disturbed by a misgiving. He stepped hastily to the stairhead,
and gave it vent. "Dr. Staines," said he, in a loud whisper (Staines was
half way down the stairs: he stopped). "I trust to you as a gentleman,
not to mention this; it will never transpire here. Whatever we do--no
noise!"




CHAPTER II.


Rosa Lusignan set herself pining as she had promised; and she did it
discreetly for so young a person. She was never peevish, but always sad
and listless. By this means she did not anger her parent, but only made
him feel she was unhappy, and the house she had hitherto brightened
exceeding dismal.

By degrees this noiseless melancholy undermined the old gentleman, and
he well-nigh tottered.

But one day, calling suddenly on a neighbor with six daughters, he heard
peals of laughter, and found Rosa taking her full share of the senseless
mirth. She pulled up short at sight of him, and colored high; but it
was too late, for he launched a knowing look at her on the spot, and
muttered something about seven foolish virgins.

He took the first opportunity, when they were alone, and told her he was
glad to find she was only dismal at home.

But Rosa had prepared for him. "One can be loud without being gay at
heart," said she, with a lofty, languid air. "I have not forgotten your
last words to HIM. We were to hide our broken hearts from the world. I
try to obey you, dear papa; but, if I had my way, I would never go
into the world at all. I have but one desire now--to end my days in a
convent."

"Please begin them first. A convent! Why, you'd turn it out of window.
You are no more fit to be a nun than--a pauper."

Not having foreseen this facer, Rosa had nothing ready; so she received
it with a sad, submissive, helpless sigh, as who would say, "Hit me,
papa: I have no friend now." So then he was sorry he had been so clever;
and, indeed, there is one provoking thing about "a woman's weakness"--it
is invincible.

The next minute, what should come but a long letter from Dr. Staines,
detailing his endeavors to purchase a practice in London, and his
ill-success. The letter spoke the language of love and hope; but the
facts were discouraging; and, indeed, a touching sadness pierced through
the veil of the brave words.

Rosa read it again and again, and cried over it before her father, to
encourage him in his heartless behavior.

About ten days after this, something occurred that altered her mood.

She became grave and thoughtful, but no longer lugubrious. She seemed
desirous to atone to her father for having disturbed his cheerfulness.
She smiled affectionately on him, and often sat on a stool at his knee,
and glided her hand into his.

He was not a little pleased, and said to himself, "She is coming round
to common-sense."

Now, on the contrary, she was farther from it than ever.

At last he got the clew. One afternoon he met Mr. Wyman coming out of
the villa. Mr. Wyman was the consulting surgeon of that part.

"What! anybody ill?" said Mr. Lusignan. "One of the servants?"

"No; it is Miss Lusignan."

"Why, what is the matter with her?"

Wyman hesitated. "Oh, nothing very alarming. Would you mind asking her?"

"Why?"

"The fact is, she requested me not to tell you: made me promise."

"And I insist upon your telling me."

"And I think you are quite right, sir, as her father. Well, she is
troubled with a little spitting of blood."

Mr. Lusignan turned pale. "My child! spitting of blood! God forbid!"

"Oh, do not alarm yourself. It is nothing serious."

"Don't tell me!" said the father. "It is always serious. And she kept
this from me!"

Masking his agitation for the time, he inquired how often it had
occurred, this grave symptom.

"Three or four times this last month. But I may as well tell you at
once: I have examined her carefully, and I do not think it is from the
lungs."

"From the throat, then?"

"No; from the liver. Everything points to that organ as the seat
of derangement: not that there is any lesion; only a tendency to
congestion. I am treating her accordingly, and have no doubt of the
result."

"Who is the ablest physician hereabouts?" asked Lusignan, abruptly.

"Dr. Snell, I think."

"Give me his address."

"I'll write to him, if you like, and appoint a consultation." He added,
with vast but rather sudden alacrity, "It will be a great satisfaction
to my own mind."

"Then send to him, if you please, and let him be here to-morrow morning;
if not, I shall take her to London for advice at once."

On this understanding they parted, and Lusignan went at once to his
daughter. "O my child!" said he, deeply distressed, "how could you hide
this from me?"

"Hide what, papa?" said the girl, looking the picture of
unconsciousness.

"That you have been spitting blood."

"Who told you that?" said she, sharply.

"Wyman. He is attending you."

Rosa colored with anger. "Chatterbox! He promised me faithfully not to."

"But why, in Heaven's name? What! would you trust this terrible thing to
a stranger, and hide it from your poor father?"